Aprons + Mitts +Towels

Perfect Hostess Gifts! With our awesome collection of Aprons, Oven Mitt and Tea Towels, you can suit up and protect yourself while slicing, dicing, baking or cooking, or you may find yourself with an overcooked bun in the oven, sauce all over your favorite shirt, or a scorched hand!  A righteous assortment of fun and original gifts for your favorite foodie or aspiring chef.  Our delightfully unique kitchen apparel will sure to bring some extra flavor to your next creation.

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and F*ck Off Oven Mitt

$12.99

Can you pass me some f*ck off? So we all know a few of those recipe robbers...  You know, the ones that will take and make your recipe then bask in all the glory!  Wars were started for less than this! Sure, I just use a little Parsley, Sage,...

Lap Cat Napkins

$8.99

Lap cats! No fancy feast is complete without our playful paper Lap Cat Napkins! These folded feline fur'ends are the purr'furred way to keep your whiskers clean! We mean, fur real? Mew must be kitten with those a-paw-ling table manners! It's time...

100% Legal Pot (Holder)

$9.99

Get Baked + Cook At The Same Time! So, what you've got here is a pot holder that LOOKS like a pot leaf! Pot ... pot. Hilarious!  Long after the novelty of this aptly-named product wears off, you'll be enjoying its quality construction and...

B*tches Get Stuff Done Oven Mitt

$12.99

B*tch is the new black Our B*tches Get Stuff Done Oven Mitt is the perfect kitchen accessory for the non-conforming, sometimes foul-mouthed, matriarch. We don't conform! We chop wood, we build blazing fires, and yeah, we also use oven mitts. Take that,...

I Love My Asshole Kids Oven Mitt

$12.99

The mother of all oven mitts Our disarming and charming, I Love My Asshole Kids. Oven Mitt will hold a special place in your heart, just like you kiddos do, while allowing you to hold hot items! Neato!  Even the most innocent, put-together, June...

The Food Has Weed In It Oven Mitt

$12.99

Baked with love weed You know who our The Food Has Weed In It Oven Mitt is perfect for... yep, grandma. With prescription prices criminally high, do you really think she's not baking in a little something something?! Make edibles or get out of...

Subversive Cross-Stitch Sponge Set

$12.99

Lather, rinse, and f*cking repeat Show them how you really feel about tedious tasks with our Subversive Cross-Stitch Sponge Set. Because as you know, doing the dishes brings out the surly side in all of us. This hilarious housewarming or hostess...

Humans Are My Side B*tch Cat Dish Towel

$10.99

If cats could talk our Humans Are My Side Bitch Cat Dish Towel would sum up their felines purrfectly. No, it doesn't read "rub my belly, leave me alone" but the message is the same! "Humans are my side bitch, solitude is my main bitch." But hey, that's...

B*tch I Am The Secret Ingredient Dish Towel

$10.99

BTFU What may be an in-salt to some, our B*tch I Am The Secret Ingredient Dish Towel is the perfect gift for the seasoned chef, who uses a heavy dose humor and wit. Featuring a colorful and classic repetitive design, it's reminiscent of our favorite...

This Is My Protest Dish Towel

$10.99

Say it loud and proud with our This Is My Protest Dish Towel! You can start by protesting making dinner, doing the dishes, and march on from there. You're a force to be reckon with, so settle for a basic dish rag? It's the perfect gift for empowered...

Mmmm Plus Eat Equals Meat Dish Towel

$12.99

If our math is correct... It's weird how math works, isn't it? Mmmm +  EAT = MEAT! This design has luxurious woven artwork, known as jacquard. The thread’s colors create the design for a sweet, tactile and vintage feel. This dish towel...

Hellraiser Oven Mitt

$12.99

Just like our sweet and innocent Hellraiser Oven Mitt your meals may look all wholesome and homemade, but you know the truth. You're the kind of brassy babe who would buy a frozen lasagna, heat it up in a nice pan, and call it a Dish to Pass. And we love...

Butter Butter Butter Woven Dish Towel

$12.99

If you love butter so much, why don't you marry it? Okay. Butter. Not only is it fun to eat, it's fun to say! Our Butter Butter Butter Woven Dish Towel will have everyone saying, thinking and eating butter! This butter design has luxurious woven...

Oops, I'm Drunk Oven Mitt

$12.99

Wine and Dine There is truth in wine and our Oops, I'm Drunk Oven Mitt is telling it like it is! Wanna join me? I promise, the food's gonna taste wayyyy better this way. And fun loving gift for your tipsy cook!  Screen-printed in rich colors, Grape...

I Don't Like Anyone In The Morning Dish Towel

$10.99

Our proud and cocky I Don't Like Anyone In The Morning Dish Towel is totally relatable. Especially if you act like a giant cock in the morning. You're not the only one! Just look at the size of this rooster! This early-to-rise loud mouth is waking the...

My Way Or Fast Food Off The Highway Dish Towel

$10.99

Just some food for thought. Our straight-shooting My Way Or Fast Food Off The Highway Dish Towel is not taking requests. Not now, not ever. You want it your way? You can drive your happy ass to the burger joint down the street. When we were younger,...

Congratulations, You Turned My Kitchen Into A Shithole Dish Towel

$10.99

Put your shit in the sink! Dripping with sarcasm and spilled drinks our Congratulations, You Turned My Kitchen into a Shithole Dish Towel is not messing around! There's nothing like a delightfully crass kitchen towel to greet your guests, as it proudly...

My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt is grape for cooking drinking up a storm! Dinner, shminner. Lettuce just skip right to the good stuff! We're convinced... future generations will have figured out a way to grow bottles of wine - glass, cork...

I'm Going To Need You To Cover That In Chocolate Dish Towel

$10.99

So yeah, if you can just go ahead and do that! I'm Going To Need You To Cover That In Chocolate Dish Towel... I understand that it's already chocolate, but I just need more chocolate.  It's just the kind of thing a really nice person like you...

I Hate Everyone Too Oven Mitt

$12.99

We think our I Hate Everyone Too Oven Mitt is just about the greatest gift you can give to your best gossip dishing pal!  After all, what seals the deal for a life long friendship more than some key common interests and dislikes? On the outside,...

Cute Little F*ckers Woodland Creature Dish Towel

$10.99

I Love Cooking For Those Cute Little Fuckers! Our Cute Little F*ckers Woodland Creature Dish Towel is like the center of a Venn diagram, in which the big circles are Norman Rockwell and Kinda Fucked Up. It's where your idyllic childhood and adulthood...

Go Away Retro Hostess Dish Towel

$10.99

Our swanky Go Away Retro Hostess Dish Towel is the perfect anti-housewarming gift. Useful, stylish, thoughtful, and hilarious! This sassy and stylish dishtowel features an awesome retro pad, with a seemingly happy hostess answering the door to excited...

I Go All The Way Dish Towel

$10.99

The double entendre of our I Go All The Way Dish Towel is nearly as satisfying as a double hot fudge sundae with a cherry (and a pound of gummies) on top! We should know, having been a proud member of the Clean Plate of the Month Club since 1985. A...

I Want A F*cking Pizza Dish Towel

$10.99

Your prayers have been answered!  Our I Want A Fucking Pizza Dish Towel has come down from the heavens and manifested itself into your hot little hands. Why settle for some plain dishrag? You deserve an extra cheese supreme masterpiece! Remember...

Man With A Pan Oven Mitt

$12.99

A man with a plan pan! Why does "Man With A Pan" sound so concerning at first? Oh that's probably just a personal fear of mine materializing while I write this product description. At my house, "I cook... you clean" 9 out of 10 times results in my better...

The Food Has Weed In It Dish Towel

$12.99

I won't tell if you don't! I know, I know. You thought you were tasting the love, but really, it's weed. Our appetizing The Food Has Weed In It Woven Dish Towel lets everyone at your party know they're about to have a good time. Wink. Super-absorbent...

F*ck This Sh*t Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our F*ck This Sh*t Oven Mitt is the perfect kitchen accessory for the sometimes-struggling domestic goddess. Some days you win. And other days, you just end up making a series of small fires in the kitchen. It's ok - that's what pizza delivery is for...

Greetings From Lake Wine Dish Towel

$10.99

Our delightfully retro Greetings From Lake Wine Dish Towel is a nod to everyone's favorite vacation in a bottle. Now, don't tell anyone. We don't want this place overrun with tourists. This colorful kitchen towel resembles a postcard and features a...

Hey, Have You Tried Cheese Dish Towel

$10.99

Looking for a devilishly fun hostess gift? Our hell-arious Hey, Have You Tried Cheese Dish Towel is so damned cheesy, it will have you running for your lactaid even if you aren't lactose intolerent! An oddly relatable towel, featuring none other than...

Holy Sh*t I Love You Dish Towel

$10.99

Our Holy Shit I Love You Dish Towel features a pair of star-crossed lovers locking eyes across a crowded pasture. Or, a casual staring contest between buddies. You decide. Whether you like to spend time in the kitchen cooking, eating, or gabbing, this...

Horny For Food Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our saucy and swank Horny For Food Oven Mitt is a must for foodies everywhere! The tangerine and pink retro design of this cheeky oven mitt is begging you to find a man who looks at you the way this woman looks at her cookbooks. Scratch that. Just, like,...

Clusterf*ck Dish Towel

$10.99

Embrace the almighty and apparently unavoidable clusterfuck with our Blue Q Clusterf*ck Dish Towel. Whether that clusterfuck refers to your disaster known as your kitchen, your day, your week, your love life, your lack of love life, your home, your...

I Want A Burrito Dish Towel

$10.99

Burrito heaven I want a burrito to tuck me in gently into its warm beans and "Rest here my child be at peace now."  When it comes to dream burritos, guacamole is never extra.  Do you have a breakfast burrito, followed by lunch at Taco...

My Safe Word Is Takeout Dish Towel

$10.99

Our My Safe Word Is Takeout Dish Towel addresses a serious(ly funny) issue. We know that, these days, Take-Out is still a taboo subject. But just because people aren't talking about it doesn't mean that they're not out there doing it. We're just saying...

Pizza's Here Oven Mitt

$12.99

*DING DONG* Our Pizza's Here Oven Mitt has arrived just in time to save the day (and your family from another burnt dinner!) Pizza delivery comes to the rescue again. Who's a hero? YOU'RE A HERO. Congratulations, my dear. Please, have a slice. On...

Whatever Happens We're Eating It Oven Mitt

$12.99

Comprendo! As beautifully stated, Whatever Happens We're Eating It!  And I dare anyone to argue with me while I'm wearing this mitt. Screen-printed in rich colors Super-insulated 100% cotton Mitten measures approximately 12.5 inches long x...

You're Doing F*cking Great! Woven Dish Towel

$12.99

Inspire confidence and encourage laughter with our You're Doing Fucking Great! Woven Dish Towel! Don't settle for a basic dish rag. Dish towels are like the socks of the kitchen! So, go on and add some kick ass personality to your favorite room in the...

Emptied the Dishwasher Award Ribbon

$4.99

I emptied the dishwasher last week!  Our snarky Emptied The Dishwasher Ribbon is an award for all those people who feel that they've performed an amazing accomplishment. Whew, I'm beat... I emptied both racks of the dishwasher. Time for a break...

Made From Scratch Cat Dish Towel

$12.99

Watch out for your ankles! Our Made From Scratch Cat Dish Towel is coming right for ya, and will keep you on your toes in the kitchen! Would you just look at this kitty cat. So stinking pleased with herself because she's ripped the hell out your...

In Stitches Recipe For Disaster Potholder

$9.99

Don't go baking my heart! Our In Stitches Recipe For Disaster Potholder is for the saucy, subversive chef that likes a little stitchin' in their kitchen. Perfect for anyone that rocks out with their crock out! You butter believe that it's a great gift...

No One Wants To Watch You Eat That Banana Dish Towel

$10.99

Our straight-shootin' No One Wants To Watch You Eat That Banana Dish Towel will help your dirty mind keep the kitchen clean! A cheeky piece of kitchen decor this otherwise innocent looking banana is putting your obscene thoughts on full display...

The Dog'll Get It Dish Towel

$10.99

Don't worry about it... I have a dog. You'll keep this The Dog'll Get It Dish Towel clean if you have a dog around... they clean up everything!   Super-absorbent 100% unbleached cotton Fun design Great gift for all dog lovers! Made from...

I'd Juice That Dish Towel

$10.99

Unlimited juice?  This party is gonna be off the hook! Do you even juice, bro? Our colorful I'd Juice That Dish Towel lets everyone know that you're not choosy when it comes to juice. Super-absorbent 100% cotton Juice approved Made from...

Get Ready to Undo Your Pants Oven Mitt

$12.99

Time to cook up some fun. Our extra saucy Get Ready to Undo Your Pants Oven Mitt is ready to serve up the spiciest of dishes! Featuring an innocent yet flirty retro print with the words Get Ready to Undo Your Pants, this double entendre gets to the...

Yo' I Secretly Like You A Little Extra Dish Towel

$10.99

Our 'Yo' I Secretly Like You A Little Extra Dish Towel is the perfect kitchen accessory for your Sunday Brunches and Last Suppers. (Too soon? Please forgive us.) Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the awesome power of a huge,...

Get The Hell Out of My Kitchen Dish Towel

$10.99

Our deliciously distasteful Get The Hell Out of My Kitchen Dish Towel is just what the cook ordered! We don't need your half-baked ideas. Your pinch of advice, or dash of criticism. Mind your own plate and get out of our site before you become the main...

I Like Long Romantic Walks To The Fridge Dish Towel

$10.99

You butter believe it! Our I Like Long Romantic Walks To The Fridge Dish Towel is sure to hit the spot with foodies from all walks of life, and that's no bologna! Featuring a repetitive, colorful mayo jar design reminiscent of Andy Warhol. It's a fun...

People I Want To Meet: Dogs Dish Towel

$10.99

Our totally fetching People I Want To Meet: Dogs Dish Towel puts your true feelings on display without ever having to mutt'er a word.  You much pawfer the company of dogs over... ugh. People. The ruff reality is that you happily greet any dog that...

Eat Up, B*tches Woven Dish Towel

$12.99

Serve up some snark with our Eat Up, Bitches Woven Dish Towel! Dish towels are like the socks of the kitchen! So why not add some trash talking and personality to your favorite room in the house? It's the perfect gift, because everyone needs...

You Wanna Piece of This Oven Mitt

$12.99

Go on and take it. Our aggressively coy You Wanna Piece of This Oven Mitt will strike a chord with all of the food pushers out there. We're looking at you Grandma! Sorry, did that sound like a threat? What I meant was that you'd be reallllllly sorry if...

Don't Dry So Close To Me Dish Towel

$12.99

Not responsible for Stuck Song Syndrome We all have to dry dishes, why not hum along while doing it? The Police-inspired Don't Dry So Close To Me Dish Towel makes the perfect companion in your kitchen. Screen-printed with water-based ink, this...

Bitch I Am The Secret Ingredient Oven Mitt

$12.99

It sure as hell ain't saffron or paprika, honey. Our Bitch I Am The Secret Ingredient Oven Mitt is anything but sugar and spice and everything nice. If you're looking for the secret ingredient to gift giving, it's about having a damn sense of humor,...

Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins

$5.99

You're filthy, wipe your mouth! It's time to put your money where your mouth is with our Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins! Refine your cocktail party experience with these high-quality, highfalutin napkins will keep you looking like a million bucks, even...

All Food Is Dog Food Dish Towel

$10.99

Our hilariously accurate All Food Is Dog Food Dish Towel is all it's barked up to be! Because, as any dog owner knows, there's no such thing as the 5 second rule when you have a dog around! If you have a furry 4 legged-vacuum cleaner you'll know exactly...

I've Got A Knife Oven Mitt

$12.99

A cautionary kitchen accessory for those moments when there are too many cooks in the kitchen... our dead serious I've Got a Knife Oven Mitt has got your back! On the outside, you'll enjoy a pleasant pink panoramic scene with a vintage-inspired...

Say No To Salad Oven Mitt

$12.99

When a hog dog talks, you better listen... Why is our Say No To Salad Oven Mitt so brilliant? Because you should never be served a salad without specifically asking for one! After a long day at the office, kids screaming, jeans not fitting... the last...

People I Love: Cats. Dish Towel

$10.99

Far superior to paypurrr products. Our hiss-terical People I Love: Cats. Dish Towel just barely scratches the surface of ones pre-fur-ence for cats over humans. Purrrhaps you're looking for a gift for your crazy cat lady friend? or maybe you just...

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