Unemployed Philosophers Guild

Jane Austen's Finest Balm

$4.99

Have you ceased to rejoice in the dryness of the season? One must try Jane Austen's Finest Balm! For it will apply a whimsical humor to your dry, chapped talkers, and cause your moisturized...

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes

$6.99

​Hi, Neighbor! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ever since our awesomely nostalgic Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes arrived!  Let them serve as a polite reminder to feed the...

National Embarrassmints

$2.99

Trump your bad breath with a mint! Our Donald Trump National Embarrassmints are pretty darn puny don't ya think?  We hope these mints don't offend you!  We had some Hillary ones too, but...

Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Lip Balm

$4.99

The course of true love never did run smooth as this fragrant balm! Apply our Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Lip Balm every day and they will vow and swear and superpraise your parts. For a gentle...

Kitten Bath Soap

$3.49

Our Kitten Bath Soap is just the size for little paw paws that try to like to jump in the shower. True story... Walked into the house last night and Mr. Whiskers was all like, "Listen, I've been...

Freud's Oral Fixation Lip Balm

$4.99

Better than all mother brands! So you have chapped lips. Stop blaming your mother. Our Freud's Oral Fixation Lip Balm is the lip balm you desire. (That sounded more profound in the original...

Rosie's We Can Wash It! Soap

$3.49

Tough job? Not a problem. Even when you knock off for the day, you'll be riveting when you lather up with Rosie's We Can Wash It! Soap Tiny bar of soap (though it be but little, it is fierce.)...

Trump's Small Hand Soap

$3.49

For dirty politics Would you believe that our Trump's Small Hand Soap was made in Russia?  How about that it can remove stains and marks on your cabinet?  We heard a rumor that this is the...

Freedom Soap - Foam Of The Brave

$3.49

Foam of the brave! Give me your grungy, your mired, your muddy masses yearning to be clean! Liberate your self from that stinky, stanky, day old, funk with our Freedom soap!  Apparently,...

Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet

$6.99

Make Your Memos Great Again! Need to get things done fast? Get Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet! Only losers wait for consensus. With plenty of "official" notes from The White House,...

Uranus Soap

$3.49

Uranus isn't just a planet Your bathroom isn't complete without Uranus Soap. If you're looking for a way to spice up your next family together, make sure you have this soap in plain sight! Tiny...

Freud's Wash Fulfillment Soap

$3.49

The soap you can slip on... Freud's Wash Fulfillment Soap. Mysophobia* got you down? As the good doctor said, "Dirt of any kind seems to us incompatible with civilization." Freudian Soap washes away...

Frida Kahlo's On The Lips Of Dreams Lip Balm

$4.99

Cool and soothing no matter how hot your temper! Smooth on Frida Kahlo's On the Lips of Dreams Lip Balm and paint your self-portrait with orange, lemon, and lime flavor. A lip balm in its...

Trump Impeachmints

$2.99

Without any evidence, this is the best the left can do! Our totally offensive Trump Impeachmints are for bad hombres with bad breath, and worse vocabulary. Do you bad-mouth people? Drop one of...