Unemployed Philosophers Guild

Mister Rogers Soap

$3.99

Feel Mister Rogers clean! Mister Rogers' Soap says: "Your sink is special!" Wash your hands before puppets! Wash your hands after feeding the fish! You can never go down the drain when you cleanse...

National Embarrassmints

$3.49

Trump your bad breath with a mint! Our Donald Trump National Embarrassmints are pretty darn puny don't ya think?  We hope these mints don't offend you!  We had some Hillary ones too, but...

The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap

$3.49

Bob Ross Wet-on-Wet Technique Reach for The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap whenever you’re feeling a little Prussian Blue!   Make some happy little clouds of foam! This vegetable...

Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet

$6.99

Make Your Memos Great Again! Need to get things done fast? Get Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet! Only losers wait for consensus. With plenty of "official" notes from The White House,...

Bob Ross Happy Little Mints

$3.49

With our Bob Ross Happy Little Mints, The Joy of Painting and fresh breath are now within reach! Talk to the tree, make friends with it. People might look at you a bit funny, but it's okay...

Rosie's We Can Wash It! Soap

$3.49

Tough job? Not a problem. Even when you knock off for the day, you'll be riveting when you lather up with Rosie's We Can Wash It! Soap Tiny bar of soap (though it be but little, it is fierce.)...

Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Lip Balm

$4.99

The course of true love never did run smooth as this fragrant balm! Apply our Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Lip Balm every day and they will vow and swear and superpraise your parts. For a gentle...

Jane Austen's Finest Balm

$4.99

Have you ceased to rejoice in the dryness of the season? One must try Jane Austen's Finest Balm! For it will apply a whimsical humor to your dry, chapped talkers, and cause your moisturized...

Freedom Soap - Foam Of The Brave

$3.49

Foam of the brave! Give me your grungy, your mired, your muddy masses yearning to be clean! Liberate your self from that stinky, stanky, day old, funk with our Freedom soap!  Apparently,...

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes

$6.99

​Hi, Neighbor! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ever since our awesomely nostalgic Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes arrived!  Let them serve as a polite reminder to feed the...

Impeachmint Lip Balm

$4.49

Impeach your lips! The minty peach flavor of this Impeachmint Lip Balm won’t let you down! More and more people are asking for the welcome relief of IMPEACHMINT. Got that uncomfortable feeling?...

Freud's Oral Fixation Lip Balm

$4.99

Better than all mother brands! So you have chapped lips. Stop blaming your mother. Our Freud's Oral Fixation Lip Balm is the lip balm you desire. (That sounded more profound in the original...

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Magnetic Personality Puppet

$7.99

Fight for what's fair! Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wears her favorite jabot to preside over your finger! She's approximately 4" tall (almost life-size!) but don’t let her diminutive size fool...

Frida Kahlo's On The Lips Of Dreams Lip Balm

$4.99

Cool and soothing no matter how hot your temper! Smooth on Frida Kahlo's On the Lips of Dreams Lip Balm and paint your self-portrait with orange, lemon, and lime flavor. A lip balm in its own...

Trump's Small Hand Soap

$3.49

For dirty politics Would you believe that our Trump's Small Hand Soap was made in Russia?  How about that it can remove stains and marks on your cabinet?  We heard a rumor that this is the...