Candy

Looking for some tasty treats to stuff your face with?  Check out our collection of candy, chocolate, popcorn, and more aimed to satisfy nearly every sugary sweet, or sinfully salty craving under the sun!  You'll find super yummy gift ideas too if you're willing to part with them!

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Instantly Control Your Family Breath Spray

$5.99

It's not that you don't love them.  It's just that if they did what you wanted, maybe you'd love them a little bit more.  Our Instantly Control Your Family Breath Spray is so strong it works on extended family!   Instantly control your...

Sigmund Freud Candy Book

$5.99

Tell Us More About Your Mother's CandySo... do you think your mom would like this candy?  Instead of containing the world-changing insights and observations of Sigmund Freud, our tiny Sigmund Freud Candy Book is full of banana-flavored candy...

Candy Taco

$7.99

Taco bout a clever candy! Our Candy Taco is just the sugary sustenance a taco lover with a sweet tooth needs on the go! Move over Choco-Taco, there's a sweeter less meltier version in town! (but don't go too far, we do love you! we just need a break)...

My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum

$1.99

Whatever, Karen. Our snarky My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum is the perfectly absurd rebuttal for when you're too deep into your own (Netflix) marathon training and simply too chill to care.  If you're like us, you're exhausted from sight of...

It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum

$1.99

Our thought provoking, It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum really gave us something to chew on! Meow, we've always really admired one's ability to argue a point. Those crazy cat ladies are really onto something! This gum is the purrfect...

Lunch Money Coin Purse

$3.99

Milk Money Stash BagOur kitschy Lunch Money Coin Purse is small enough to fit in your pocket, or your smallest clutch. But, it's also big enough to hold your license, credit card, and milk money!   With the adorable milk carton, apple, banana, and...

Red Haute Sticky Fingers Nail Files

$2.99

Don't leave the with house without packing some faux-cinnamony sweet heat with our pack of Red Haute Sticky Fingers Nail Files!  They're are a must for your portable beauty arsenal.  Because you never know when you may come dangerously close to...

Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea

$14.99

Okay, so you really need to work on your life at the moment... Our Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea can help. What's that? You need a recap? You went out with co-workers last night and performed karaoke in front of your boss. You may or may not have...

Spicy Chili Pepper Lollipop

$4.99

Are you a sucker for spicy food?  Lovers of spicy food will just eat up our handmade Spicy Chili Pepper Lollipops! Each one of these chili-pepper-shaped hard candy pops is infused with real chili pepper bits, and pack a heat that can't be beat!...

I Have PMS & GPS Gum

$1.99

This Bitch Will Find You Gum Take next right.  IN YOUR FACE!   That's right sunshine.  You're barking up the wrong tree and at the wrong time of the month.  We guarantee that you will not want to be on the receiving end of our I...

Mansplaining Mints

$4.69 $2.00

Ladies, when it comes to our Mansplaining Mints, something tells us we don't have to tell you what these are for. But, humor us, if you will... The next time some random dude starts explaining something to you in a condescending tone, just offer him one...

You Leave Sparkles Everywhere You Go Gum

$1.99

Share A Piece Of This Gum When You Enjoy Someone's Good Vibes Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day... If you forgot to take Mr. Como's advice, our totally dreamy You Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go Gum is a close runner...

Let That Shit Go Gum

$1.99

Take two deep breaths and call me in the morning. Our thought-provoking and breath freshening Let That Shit Go Gum features the Medicine Buddha encouraging you to move on bruh. Seriously. It was like 4 years ago and it wasn't even that big of a deal...

Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray

$5.99

Introducing our Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray... Liquid Marijuana*.  Your very own Buzz in a Bottle! Catch the perfect buzz without catching the heat!  Get high at work, in class, even at the pool! So discreet you can use it...

Fierce B*tch Snarky Tea

$14.99

Stay bold, stay snarky...  Yaaaaaaaas. The heavens have shined upon you with a celestial light of fiery fierceness and you’re absolutely killing it. When you walk by, flowers perk up and haters bow down. Two snaps and a clap – the queen...

Happy Gum For Your Crappy Life

$1.99

Happy fact #34. It's a proven fact that a happy person is probably in denial of something. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, your life will seem less crappy... at least while you're chewing this gum! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1...

Here's Your Gift Motherf*cker Gum

$1.99

The Perfect Present For Someone That's In The Family But Not In The CircleOur Here's Your Gift Motherfucker Gum turns the art of obligatory gift giving into something truly amazing.  A perfect cheap and useful gift for someone you love or love to...

Sugar Bear Lollipop

$3.99

Oh, I'm a Sugar BearYeah, I'm a Sugar Bear Our handmade, happy-go-lucky Sugar Bear Lollipops are hard candy doppelgangers of the original gummy bears! They're it on a stick!  Available in a rainbow of colors and flavors! Red (cherry) Orange...

Talk With Your Cat Breath Spray

$5.99

After years of testing by NASA, the anxiously awaited and groundbreaking Instantly Talk with Your Cat Breath Spray has finally been made available to the public.   Never before has the world seen a more useful product. Never. Just one quick spritz...

Trump Impeachmints

$2.99

Without any evidence, this is the best the left can do! Our totally offensive Trump Impeachmints are for bad hombres with bad breath, and worse vocabulary. Do you bad-mouth people? Drop one of these peach flavored mints on your tongue and you'll make...

I Kissed A Republican / Democrat Gum

$1.99

Partisan Political Puking Gum Did you kiss a donkey last night or perhaps your lips locked with an elephant?  With our I Kissed A Republican or I Kissed A Democrat Gum, you can always be prepared for any accidental smooches that may happen due to...

Pusheen Sweets Candy Tin

$3.99

Pop one in after a capusheeno! Nothing is quite as sweet as our Pusheen Sweets Candy Tin! This grey tubby tabby may have started on Facebook, but she wasn't about to let herself be boxed in. (Unless it was a box of her choosing, because really, what cat...

Classic Batman Mints

$2.99

Na-Na Na-Na Na-Na Na Na... No way!  Not with that stinky breath!  Holy Halitosis Batman! Fishy penguin breath got you down?  Have no fear!  Our Classic Batman Mints have arrived to battle the evil lurking in your mouth!  Because,...

Gay Accent Breath Spray

$5.99

Instant Faboulous!Our patented Extreme Voice Enhancing formula instantly puts the sizzle in your s's.   Its an exquisite breathmist for the discerning mouth and perfumed with a touch of mint. Scientifically engineered with a touch of class. ...

You Are Better Than The Best Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum That's Great For Narcissistic Bosses Because They're The BesssssstYou're the best around!  Nothing's gonna ever keep you down! No really, you are.  No, YOU are.  Okay, let's just agree to disagree. What we can agree on is...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

Fruit Salad Cookie Cutters

$12.99 $5.00

Fruit Salad! Yummy yummy! With our SunnyLife Fruit Salad Cookie Cutters you can say with a straight face that you had your 3 servings of fruit today! You'll simply go bananas over this adorable set of fruit-themed cookie cutters, as they make even the...

Get Your A** In Bed Snarky Tea

$12.99 $5.00

We can help you relax and unplug! It’s 11:45 p.m. and you’ve found yourself in a social media rabbit hole.  You’re now 46 weeks into a stranger’s past looking for any sign of your ex-boyfriend. You know you’re in...

Calm The F**k Down Tea Snarky Tea

$14.99

Adulting is hard.    Like, really hard.     Our Calm The F*ck Down Snarky Tea can help. You’re late for work and there’s crazy traffic. There’s mascara in your eye, concealer on your white pants and to top it off, it...

Get Along With Your Co-Workers Gum

$1.99

Your Job Doesn't Suck, Just Your Co-WorkersThe reality in the majority of people's lives is that they have to get a job to survive. Unfortunately you get stuck working alongside people you might not otherwise frequent in the free world! To make your...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipop

$6.99

You'd better ball-lieve it, sweetness! Our bright and colorful Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipops are only for the truly dedicated sweet tooth. At its size it's probably going to take you more than one sitting! Impressive 2 inches in diameter = long...

F*ck It Gum

$1.99

Pardon Our Fucking French What's my new personal motto you ask? F*CK IT! Pardon my French. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, you'll get your point across quickly! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches tall.

Middle Child Mints

$3.99 $2.00

Cheaper than therapy, our Middle Child Mints are tangible proof that we didn't forget you in the penguin house at the Pittsburgh Zoo (true story- thanks dad!) We promise these are not just the mints left over when we made our other mints! These mints are...

Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.59

Out Of This World! Our Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich takes the ice cream you know and love, and with the power of freeze-drying to create a yummy retro treat! Since the early NASA Mercury Missions, space food has gone global! Today, Astronaut...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum To Save The Planet By Calling All The Assholes OutSometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum...

I Want To Go On Eternity Leave Gum

$1.99

Candy For Times When You Need A Neverending VacationThere are palm trees, beach umbrellas, perfectly-sweetened margaritas and no hangovers... I'm never coming back.  Please hold my calls.  Forever. That settles it, we're sold on our I Want To...

Squirrel in Underpants Mints

$3.99 $2.00

Fresh this Fall our Squirrel in Underpants Mints will inspire you to cloth all of the tiny streakers in your neighborhood! If only you could afford to buy enough undies for all of the adorable mini gymnastic bird feeder raiders in your hood... While they...

Namaste Motherf**ker Snarky Tea

$14.99

The choice of a new generation of yogis. Our Namaste Mother F**ker Snarky Tea is quenching the inner thirst of the new wave of snarky yoga practitioners. That's right. There's a new set of yogis in town, and we’re here for the elastic waistbands,...

Cat Butt Gum

$1.99

Cute As A Butt-on GumIf you've got a lot of attitude to pass around, this gum is just right for you! Includes 8 peppermint pieces of "Kiss My Ass" attitude per box. Get a second box because you've got a lot of attitude to share. Meow! What are you...

Classic Superman Mints

$2.99 $2.00

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... our Classic Superman Mints are so strong!  It's like Kryptonite to your ole buddy Hal-itosis. Although the classic image of Superman is...

Some People Just Need A High Five Gum

$1.99

We think you know those kinds of people. You know them well... Maybe TOO well. Sorry about that, by the way. You deserve more.   Our "Some People Just Need A High Five. In the Face. With a Chair" Gum will help you easily relay your empathy and...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Giant Ice Cream Cone Lollipop

$7.99

Psst... We've got the inside scoop Our Giant Dipped Ice Cream Cone is eye candy that's real candy! These gorgeous and colorful ice cream shaped lollipops that have been handmade and dipped in a flavored hard candy (crafted from a secret 75 year old...

At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum

$1.99

Super Cheeky Ass-piring Candy Our super cheeky At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum is totally relatable for those of us who are in a committed long-term relationship with our surrogate beds. Listen, when a couch hands you a compliment,...

Bag Of Unicorn Farts

$8.99

Top Unicorn Gift! Ode to Bag of Unicorn Farts  |  Sugar is sweet, lemons are tart.  |  We love you more than a Bag of Unicorn Farts! A perfect gift for the lovers, the dreamers and you!  It's not an illusion... we've...

Hormonal And Lovin' It Gum

$1.99

Do you ever start your period and think... "Well, that explains a lot!"?  Then this gum is for you! Our ultra cheeky Hormonal And Loving It Gum is a fun (and safe) way to poke fun at the roller coaster of mood swings that women are blessed with!...

Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth PleaseSeriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Birthday Cake Candy Puffs

$8.99 $4.00

Your Birthday just got sweeter! When you can't be present, our Birthday Cake Candy Puffs are a tasty way to ensure your gift recipient has the sweetest of Happy Birthdays! Birthday cake is a tradition that can be traced all the way back to the 1700s...

Introvert Mints

$3.99

Most people carry funny mint tins as conversation starters when people see them. Not our Introvert Mints! Since it’s likely that no one will ever see these mints, you can smile to yourself every time you see the tin! Instead, you can enjoy your own...

Rick and Morty Strawberry Smiggles Candy Tin

$4.99 $2.00

I love me Strawberry Smiggles! Our Rick and Morty Strawberry Smiggles Candy Tin is based on a fictional breakfast cereal "Strawberry Smiggles" from the popular Rick and Morty animated series on Cartoon Network's [adult swim].  Strawberry Smiggles...

Look! I'm Wearing The Smile You Gave Me Gum

$1.99

Everyone Will Whaley Love This CandyWhale, hello there! We noticed our Look! I'm Wearing The Smile You Gave Me Gum has gotten your attention with it's perpetu-whale grin! Will you take this whale to be your very best friend? Pretty please, with some...

You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

$1.99

For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard   Our vintage styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun an unexpected gift you can slip to any prick you may happen upon during your day.   Can't think of anyone deserving of...

Elf On The Shelf Hanging Candy Tin

$3.99 $1.00

This little elf has a cheeky grin outside and sweet vanilla snowflake candies inside! The attached cord lets you display The Elf on the Shelf as an ornament or as a clever present topper!    Based on the 2005 children's book, The Elf on the...

My Favorite Salad Is Wine Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Fruit Flavored Awesomeness That Won't Get You Drunk You say tomato, we say wine.  With our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Gum you can just lay it all out on the lunch table.  Because, we don't carrot all what you think, unless you agree...

Cupcake Gumballs

$4.99 $2.00

Our Cupcake Gumballs are mighty tasty on their own, but for a true sugar fix try adding some into the batter of your next batch of cupcakes to make Double Frosting Gumball Cupcakes!  Each  tin contains about twenty-two vanilla flavored...

Coffee Makes Me Poop Gum

$1.99

Be sure to over share. A cup of coffee and a roll of toilet paper... a perfectly fine way to start the day! Popping a piece of our invigorating Coffee Makes Me Poop Gum is like brewing up a pot of relief!  You may not be irregular around here, so...

Sour-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

Pucker up buttercup! Our bright and colorful Sour-Pop Lollipops are handmade in the USA and available in 3 tempting flavors and color combinations: Sour Watermelon (pink & green) Sour Wildberry (purple & blue) Sour Pink Lemonade (yellow...