Candy

Looking for some tasty treats to stuff your face with?  Check out our collection of candy, chocolate, popcorn, and more aimed to satisfy nearly every sugary sweet, or sinfully salty craving under the sun!  You'll find super yummy gift ideas too if you're willing to part with them!

Neon CBD Gummy Bears

$14.99

Do more of what makes you happy! I'm a yummy, edible, social anxiety reducing CBD edible! What a long strange trip it's been getting Neon CBD Gummy Bears to the market, but we're so Grateful they've finally made it! Now that they're available, weed...

CBD Chocolate Bar

$14.99

I like you a Choco-Lot! Looking to indulge in a relaxed chocolate delight? Say no more, our CBD Chocolate Bar is jam packed with rich undertones of creamy cocoa butter followed by notes of delicate vanilla. Did we mention this bar is loaded with 100mg...

Watermelon CBD Lollipops

$14.99

You won't be feeling Melon-choly anymore! Our super lip-smacking Watermelon CBD Lollipops are ready to melt your anxiety away. These suckers look, feel and taste just like a lollipop but they won't leave you feeling the same because these are made with...

Berry CBD Lollipops

$14.99

You won't be feeling Berry blue much longer! Our bluer than blue Berry CBD Lollipops, which are a delicious flavorable blend of blueberry, cherry and raspberry are ready to melt your anxiety away. These suckers look, feel and taste just like a...

What's It Like Being A Butthead, Butthead? Gum

$1.99

Share your knowledge! I'm not too proud to admit that it takes one to know one. Have you considered writing a book? Our What's It Like Being A Butthead, Butthead? Gum includes 8 pieces of candy-coated fruit-flavored gum in a dainty box.  Measures...

Ginsburg's Judgmints

$3.49

Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! All persons desiring breath that is Honorable are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for these Ginsburg's Judgmints are Supreme! Keep one under your robe and a spare in your chambers. Taste like justice Bite of...

Narcissist Mints

$3.99 $3.51

It's all about you and your breath You’re so vain, you probably think these mints are about you, don’t you? Now your favorite narcissist can have fresh breath while he admires himself in the mirror and explains why you’re wrong!...

Craft Beer Lollipop

$4.99

Revolutionize the way you party down with our Craft Beer Lollipops that are shaped like craft beer bottles and available in three crafted flavors. What better flavors of custom beer than pale ale, classic lager and chocolate stout for these hand-poured...

Dissent Mints

$3.99

Against the grain with freshness! These Dissent Mints feature Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg wearing her dissent collar. When she doesn't agree with the rest of the court, she has a special jabot (ornamental frill) she wears. These mints...

Rubber Chicken Mints

$3.99 $3.51

  Halitosis humor! Our Rubber Chicken Mints is hilarious, but the mints don’t taste funny, they’re mint-flavored. You’re guaranteed a giggle when you offer one to someone! Cute, but cute tin of mints Get a laugh and fresh...

Lobster Candy

$5.99

No lobster bib required! Growing up in New England, lobster dinners were pretty common for us kids  Did we think the bib was embarrassing... nope. Now? Ah heck yeah! So now I can feed the butter hungry monster living inside, while teasing it with...

I Hate You Just Kidding Gum

$1.99

Do you think I'm kidding? Yeah, yeah... wasting time hating someone is like poisoning yourself and expecting the other person to die... or something insightful like that.   This could be fun gum to give your friend if you guys share an inside...

I Talk To My Dog Like It's A Wittle Baby Gum

$1.99

You got a problem with that? I'm not embarrassed,  I Talk To My Dog Like It's A Wittle Baby For Some Weason... My fur baby, my soulmate, the love of my life! You're sho shmarth Whath did you do thoday? Ready for beddy bye? Did you mishsh...

Overthinkers Gum

$1.99

Still thinking about this... I'm just not sure what to write about our Overthinkers Gum.  I guess I could maybe talk about why you would want one.  Or maybe I should run some numbers to see if this is the perfect gum for you, or if maybe...

Motherf*cker Better Card Me Gum

$1.99

Of course, yes, I do have my license! So I've see your little sign that says you card under 45.  You can't even imagine what I will do to you if you don't card me! Forever ago... We took a friend's mom out to lunch at a beach bar for her 50th...

Hit Reply All One More Time I Swear To God Gum

$1.99

Just no! Step away from the mouse! You don't seem to get the hint we've been dropping for years  We're not interested in what you think! We've seen the jokes, most beautiful pictures of national parks, fake news, this year's flu warning and formed...

CBD Sour Gummy Smiling Emojis

$24.99

CBD edibles have arrived! Good luck trying to wipe that smile off your face! Too peopley outside? No problem! Reach for your jar of CBD Sour Gummy Smiling Emojis and your social anxiety will run for the hills, instead of you! These smiley face...

CBD Gummy Bear Party Pack 3000mg

$119.99

Keep Calm and Munch On Yummy CBD Gummies Introducing our mega-huge CBD Gummy Bear Party Pack 3000mg!  Personally, we eat our CBD gummy bears two at at time. So they don't have to die alone.  We're thoughtful like that. CBD...

CBD Gummy Watermelon Rings

$24.99

Feeling a bit melon-choly? Our CBD infused edibles will save the day! Formulated with cannabidiol our CBD Gummy Watermelon Rings help to promote an awesome sense of calm and overall wellness,  CBD is short for cannabidiol. Cannabidiol...

CBD Gummy Worms

$24.99

CBD is legal in all 50 states, y'all! Why settle for vaping or salves when our CBD Gummy Worms are just like the ones you remember from your childhood! These squirmy little wormies taste, look, smell, and feel the same. The only difference is that they...

CBD Gummy Cherries

$24.99

Feel CBD cherrific before you know it! Our CBD Gummy Cherries edibles are the ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!  This is not your mom's high school weed! Feeling a bit stressed or anxious? Pop a couple of these in your mouth and you'll feel your worries...

CBD Gummy Bears

$24.99

Oh, I'm a CBD Gummy Bear.... a CBD Gummy Bear.  I'm a yummy, edible, social anxiety reducing gummy bear! What a long strange trip it's been getting CBD Gummy Bears to the market, but we're so Grateful they've finally made it! Now that they're...

CBD Gummy Apple Rings

$24.99

An apple a day keeps the stress away! *If that apple is a CBD edible that is!* Don’t be fooled by their innocent appearance! Our potent CBD Gummy Apple Rings may ring of nostalgia, but these candies contain approximately 25mg of CBD per...

I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum

$1.99

Feeling all philo-sloth-ical and stuff Good times are a plenty with our I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum.  Embrace the lazy but amazy attitude of everyone's favorite slow roller. Word on the street is that you're looking to score some peppermint...

Bitch, Be Cool Gum

$1.99

What up, dawg. Introducing our savagely fun Bitch, Be Cool Gum. Did you think we were above putting the word "bitch" next to an image of a dog just for a good laugh? You were wrong. If you didn't read the phrase on our Bitch, Be Cool Gum in Samuel L...

Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum

$1.99

Dance like everyone is watching! Our deliciously cheeky Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum is a fun little gift punctuated with minty flavor and biting humor! Behold a cool and minty present with a message that is sure to strike a chord with your...

Let That Shit Go Gum

$1.99

Take two deep breaths and call me in the morning. Our thought-provoking and breath freshening Let That Shit Go Gum features the Medicine Buddha encouraging you to move on bruh. Seriously. It was like 4 years ago and it wasn't even that big of a deal...

Go Away I'm Introverting Gum

$1.99

Make that a nope for me. Our straight-to-the-point Go Away I'm Introverting Gum is just what you need on you in case of a social annoyance crisis. Don't even bother making eye contact or parting your lips. Just be friendly by offering them a piece of...

Gummy Candy Burger

$7.99

A whopper of a Gummy! Made of 22 delicious candies, The Original Gummy Candy Burger is a concept that is well-done! Complete with see-thru cardboard burger box, it's the king of all gummies! 6 sweet candy top bun slices 6 candy cheese n sauce gummy...

Cat Astronaut Mints

$3.99

Ground Control to Major Tomcat Take your Cat Astronaut Mints and put your helmet on. When Cat Astronaut has its head in that glass helmet, bad breath is the enemy.  Which is why he purrfurs to use Cat Astronaut Mints before and during all of...

Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipop

$6.99

You'd better ball-lieve it, sweetness! Our bright and colorful Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipops are only for the truly dedicated sweet tooth. At its size it's probably going to take you more than one sitting! Impressive 2 inches in diameter =...

Sugar Bear Lollipop

$3.99

Oh, I'm a Sugar BearYeah, I'm a Sugar Bear Our handmade, happy-go-lucky Sugar Bear Lollipops are hard candy doppelgangers of the original gummy bears! They're it on a stick!  Available in a rainbow of colors and flavors! Red (cherry) Orange...

Fudge-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

Oh, Fudge!  We feel like a kid in a candy shop! Our eye catching Fudge-Pop Lollipops are available in 6 different color/flavor combinations... How will we ever decide!? Strawberry/Chocolate (Pink & Brown) Vanilla/Chocolate (White & Brown)...

Spicy Chili Pepper Lollipop

$4.99

Are you a sucker for spicy food?  Lovers of spicy food will just eat up our handmade Spicy Chili Pepper Lollipops! Each one of these chili-pepper-shaped hard candy pops is infused with real chili pepper bits, and pack a heat that can't be beat!...

Dinosaur Poop Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

You saur it here first! There's no bones about it, our Dinosaur Poop Lollipops are mammoth hit with dino lovers!  Melville Candy dinosaur poop lollipops are a fun unique sweet treat Hard candy green and blue swirl lollipops Coated with glittery...

Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum

$1.99

Uh, oh! They've found us out! Our I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum is dropping truth bombs by way of delicious chicklet-sized mint gum! A fun item to have for those moments when you don't have time for humility. If they didn't get the message at...

At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum

$1.99

Super Cheeky Ass-piring Candy Our super cheeky At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum is totally relatable for those of us who are in a committed long-term relationship with our surrogate beds. Listen, when a couch hands you a compliment,...

Look! I'm Wearing The Smile You Gave Me Gum

$1.99

Everyone Will Whaley Love This CandyWhale, hello there! We noticed our Look! I'm Wearing The Smile You Gave Me Gum has gotten your attention with it's perpetu-whale grin! Will you take this whale to be your very best friend? Pretty please, with some...

Mansplaining Mints

$4.69 $4.13

Ladies, when it comes to our Mansplaining Mints, something tells us we don't have to tell you what these are for. But, humor us, if you will... The next time some random dude starts explaining something to you in a condescending tone, just offer him one...

Astronaut Strawberries

$3.99

Intergalactic Mission Snack! Our Astronaut Strawberries are an out of this world gastronomical experience! Enjoy your strawberries just as the astronauts do - the freeze-dried way! Astronaut Strawberries, as well as other freeze-drive food items, have...

Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.99

Not Gonna Melt! Our fascinating Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich is a tasty snack that anyone can enjoy, whether you’re out exploring the galaxy or hanging back here on Earth! Frozen in time, yet not frozen in temperature, it takes the ice...

Bob Ross Happy Little Mints

$3.49

With our Bob Ross Happy Little Mints, The Joy of Painting and fresh breath are now within reach! Talk to the tree, make friends with it. People might look at you a bit funny, but it's okay. Artists are allowed to be a bit different. Enjoy the...

Legendary Unicorn Mints

$3.99 $3.51

Believe in fresh breath! Our frolicking awesome Legendary Unicorn Mints are an example of all that is right with the world. Or at least the fantasy world inside of your head! Chances are, if you love unicorns as much as we do (which may just be...

Here's Your Gift Motherf*cker Gum

$1.99

The Perfect Present For Someone That's In The Family But Not In The Circle Our Here's Your Gift Motherfucker Gum turns the art of obligatory gift giving into something truly amazing.  A perfect cheap and useful gift for someone you love or love to...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum

$1.99

Makes sense to us! Our thought provoking, It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum really gave us something to chew on! Meow, we've always really admired one's ability to argue a point. Those crazy cat ladies are really onto something! This...

I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum

$1.99

Decorated with equally colorful language our I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum is perfect for those frequent moments when you need to send a direct message to the person standing next to you (and you've also just consumed a lot of garlic.) For those days...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

Best Buds Mint Gum

$1.99

Guaranteed Good Shit To Share With A Cannabis Loving Buddy The rumors are true... our gum has gone to pot! Our Best Buds Gum has been made with a very special, mind-altering ingredient. It's not CBD... It's just LOVE. Love of amazing art and design...

You Leave Sparkles Everywhere You Go Gum

$1.99

Share A Piece Of This Gum When You Enjoy Someone's Good Vibes Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day... If you forgot to take Mr. Como's advice, our totally dreamy You Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go Gum is a close runner...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum Sometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum on you at all times!  You never know when a...

Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops

$4.99

Raising the Bar on Nostalgic Candy Got a bad mouth with a sweet tooth? Then our naughty but nice Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops will sweeten that deliciously vulgar pie hole of yours. A throwback to the good ole days when having your...

Barf Lollipop

$3.99

Like, Gag Me With A Lollipop The ultimate gag gift... our Barf Lollipop is a deliciously fun way to share your utter disgust at a situation or person, or to just gross out the person you're closest with... just because you can. To up the puke factor...

Middle Child Mints

$3.99

Cheaper than therapy, our Middle Child Mints are tangible proof that we didn't forget you in the penguin house at the Pittsburgh Zoo (true story- thanks dad!) We promise these are not just the mints left over when we made our other mints! These mints are...

I Need More Money And Power And Less Sh*t From You People Gum

$1.99

Smile and nod.  Smile and nod.  Make sure to wear your mouth guard at night, so you don't grind your teeth down to nubs. You may not be able to lighten the workload at the office, but you sure can lighten the mood with our I Need More Money and...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum

$1.99

Whatever, Karen. Our snarky My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum is the perfectly absurd rebuttal for when you're too deep into your own (Netflix) marathon training and simply too chill to care.  If you're like us, you're exhausted from sight of...

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