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Candy

Looking for some tasty treats to stuff your face with?  Check out our collection of candy, chocolate, popcorn, and more aimed to satisfy nearly every sugary sweet, or sinfully salty craving under the sun!  You'll find super yummy gift ideas too if you're willing to part with them!

Bag Of Unicorn Farts

$8.99

Top Unicorn Gift! Ode to Bag of Unicorn Farts  |  Sugar is sweet, lemons are tart.  |  We love you more than a Bag of Unicorn Farts! A perfect gift for the lovers, the dreamers and you!  It's not an illusion... we've...

Barf Lollipop

$3.99

Like, Gag Me With A Lollipop The ultimate gag gift... our Barf Lollipop is a deliciously fun way to share your utter disgust at a situation or person, or to just gross out the person you're closest with... just because you can. To up the puke factor...

Bob Ross Happy Little Mints

$3.49

With our Bob Ross Happy Little Mints, The Joy of Painting and fresh breath are now within reach! Talk to the tree, make friends with it. People might look at you a bit funny, but it's okay. Artists are allowed to be a bit different. Enjoy the...

CBD Gummy Apple Rings

$24.99

An apple a day keeps the stress away! *If that apple is a CBD edible that is!* Don’t be fooled by their innocent appearance! Our potent CBD Gummy Apple Rings may ring of nostalgia, but these candies contain approximately 25mg of CBD per...

CBD Sour Gummy Smiling Emojis

$24.99

CBD edibles have arrived! Good luck trying to wipe that smile off your face! Too peopley outside? No problem! Reach for your jar of CBD Sour Gummy Smiling Emojis and your social anxiety will run for the hills, instead of you! These smiley face...

Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

Fried Chicken Candy

$5.99

What the cluck?! Did you spend a few days of your life trying to get a new Popeye's Spicy Chicken sandwich?  We feel for ya! The most amazing thing about our Fried Chicken Candy is you can enjoy fried chicken anywhere and anytime!   So...

Go Away I'm Introverting Gum

$1.99

Make that a nope for me. Our straight-to-the-point Go Away I'm Introverting Gum is just what you need on you in case of a social annoyance crisis. Don't even bother making eye contact or parting your lips. Just be friendly by offering them a piece of...

Gummy Candy Burger

$7.99

A whopper of a Gummy! Made of 22 delicious candies, The Original Gummy Candy Burger is a concept that is well-done! Complete with see-thru cardboard burger box, it's the king of all gummies! 6 sweet candy top bun slices 6 candy cheese n sauce gummy...

I Need More Money And Power And Less Sh*t From You People Gum

$1.99

Smile and nod.  Smile and nod.  Make sure to wear your mouth guard at night, so you don't grind your teeth down to nubs. You may not be able to lighten the workload at the office, but you sure can lighten the mood with our I Need More Money and...

Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum

$1.99

Just once piece of our Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum unlocks the dialogue between you and your pet!  You'll finally be able to share your intimate dreams and fears, stock tips, recipes and who you think should be kicked off Big Brother next! For...

Kale Candy

$5.99

Mmmm, Mmmmm... no! Just to be extremely clear, this candy does not taste good. It tastes like kale. Kale is gross. If gross is to kale; kale candy is to super gross. If you are weird and like kale, it probably doesn't taste like the fresh kale you get...

Mac & Cheese Candy

$5.99

This is just so cheesy! When I make boxed mac & cheese, I always add a ton of extra butter and milk.  My boyfriend on the other hand thinks he does - but yeah no.  I like mine like a cheesy soup with pasta elbows.  Anyone else with me...

Neon CBD Gummy Bears

$14.99

Do more of what makes you happy! I'm a yummy, edible, social anxiety reducing CBD edible! What a long strange trip it's been getting Neon CBD Gummy Bears to the market, but we're so Grateful they've finally made it! Now that they're available, weed...

Pickle Candy

$5.99

This candy is dill-icious! If you like pickles, you’ll love Pickle Candy! These green and white striped hard candies look like the spearmint candies grandma might keep in a crystal dish on the credenza. But, if she tasted one of these, she’d...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth Please Seriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Some People Just Need A High Five Gum

$1.99

We think you know those kinds of people. You know them well... Maybe TOO well. Sorry about that, by the way. You deserve more.   Our "Some People Just Need A High Five. In the Face. With a Chair" Gum will help you easily relay your empathy and...

Strawberry CBD Lollipops

$14.99

You're so berry sweet! Our super yummy Strawberry CBD Lollipops are ready to melt your anxiety away. These suckers look, feel and taste just like a lollipop but they won't leave you feeling the same because these are made with the purest form of CBD, an...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

Vegetable Candy

$6.99

Bean thinking that I don't carrot all Our super corny Vegetable Candy is the perfect way to fool that nutrition loving nutcase into thinking that you're eating your greens. These candies come in a cute decorative tin with 3 different flavors that sound...

Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops

$4.99

Raising the Bar on Nostalgic Candy Got a bad mouth with a sweet tooth? Then our naughty but nice Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops will sweeten that deliciously vulgar pie hole of yours. A throwback to the good ole days when having your...

What's It Like Being A Butthead, Butthead? Gum

$1.99

Share your knowledge! I'm not too proud to admit that it takes one to know one. Have you considered writing a book? Our What's It Like Being A Butthead, Butthead? Gum includes 8 pieces of candy-coated fruit-flavored gum in a dainty box.  Measures...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go Getters You are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

You Leave Sparkles Everywhere You Go Gum

$1.99

Share A Piece Of This Gum When You Enjoy Someone's Good Vibes Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day... If you forgot to take Mr. Como's advice, our totally dreamy You Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go Gum is a close runner...

You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

$1.99

For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard   Our vintage styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun an unexpected gift you can slip to any prick you may happen upon during your day.   Can't think of anyone deserving of such...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure...

Ask Your Doctor If Shutting The F*ck Up Is Right For You Gum

$1.99

Take the doctor's advice! Warning: Side effects may include me being way happier than I was before you shut the fuck up.  Includes 8 pieces of candy-coated mint-flavored gum in a dainty box.  Measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches wide. Ask...

At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum

$1.99

Super Cheeky Ass-piring Candy Our super cheeky At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum is totally relatable for those of us who are in a committed long-term relationship with our surrogate beds. Listen, when a couch hands you a compliment,...

Cat Astronaut Mints

$3.99

Ground Control to Major Tomcat Take your Cat Astronaut Mints and put your helmet on. When Cat Astronaut has its head in that glass helmet, bad breath is the enemy.  Which is why he purrfurs to use Cat Astronaut Mints before and during all of...

CBD Gummy Peach Rings

$24.99

These cannabidiol edibles will leave you feeling just peachy! It's no coincidence our CBD Gummy Peach Rings are shaped like tiny life savers, for they truly are! These tasty little treats pack a substantial punch with 25mg of CBD per piece...

CBD Gummy Bear Party Pack 3000mg

$119.99

Keep Calm and Munch On Yummy CBD Gummies Introducing our mega-huge CBD Gummy Bear Party Pack 3000mg!  Personally, we eat our CBD gummy bears two at at time. So they don't have to die alone.  We're thoughtful like that. CBD...

CBD Gummy Party Pack 3000mg

$119.99

There's a CBD party in my tummy! Feeling funny, feeling funny... You may enjoy the occasional Yo Gabba Gabba episode, but our CBD Gummy Party Pack are for adults only! They do not contain THC - rather they do contain the super awesome power of CBD oil...

CBD Gummy Watermelon Rings

$24.99

Feeling a bit melon-choly? Our CBD infused edibles will save the day! Formulated with cannabidiol our CBD Gummy Watermelon Rings help to promote an awesome sense of calm and overall wellness,  CBD is short for cannabidiol. Cannabidiol...

Craft Beer Lollipop

$4.99

Revolutionize the way you party down with our Craft Beer Lollipops that are shaped like craft beer bottles and available in three crafted flavors. What better flavors of custom beer than pale ale, classic lager and chocolate stout for these hand-poured...

Dinosaur Poop Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

You saur it here first! There's no bones about it, our Dinosaur Poop Lollipops are mammoth hit with dino lovers!  Melville Candy dinosaur poop lollipops are a fun unique sweet treat Hard candy green and blue swirl lollipops Coated with glittery...

Hey Bitches Gum

$1.99

Bitches + Kittens When you whip out your pack of Hey Bitches Gum, you'd better be ready to toss back a box of Pino Grigio! You are calling the pack - your gang of girls together. Will it be a tears and ice cream night or a go out and (no survivors)...

Hit Reply All One More Time I Swear To God Gum

$1.99

Just no! Step away from the mouse! You don't seem to get the hint we've been dropping for years  We're not interested in what you think! We've seen the jokes, most beautiful pictures of national parks, fake news, this year's flu warning and formed...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum

$1.99

Feeling all philo-sloth-ical and stuff Good times are a plenty with our I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum.  Embrace the lazy but amazy attitude of everyone's favorite slow roller. Word on the street is that you're looking to score some peppermint...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum Sometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum on you at all times!  You never know when a...

Last Supper After Dinner Mints

$3.99

Are the flavors of your last supper lingering too long?   Our Last Supper After Dinner Mints are decorated with a painting of the Biblical Last Supper featuring Jesus and his Apostles.    Chew a few after your own supper (or breakfast, or...

Lobster Candy

$5.99

No lobster bib required! Growing up in New England, lobster dinners were pretty common for us kids  Did we think the bib was embarrassing... nope. Now? Ah heck yeah! So now I can feed the butter hungry monster living inside, while teasing it with...

Lucky Mojo Ginger Candy

$6.99

Way luckier than circus peanuts or candy corn! Do you need of a bit of extra luck today? Before you tear about your yard looking for a four leaf clover, reach for our Lucky Mojo Ginger Candies! These are the most (allegedly) powerful candies ever...

Motherf*cker Better Card Me Gum

$1.99

Of course, yes, I do have my license! So I've see your little sign that says you card under 45.  You can't even imagine what I will do to you if you don't card me! Forever ago... We took a friend's mom out to lunch at a beach bar for her 50th...

My Goal Is To Lose Ten Pounds, Fifteen More To Go Gum

$1.99

Candy Mint Flavor To Inspire Us All To Smell The RosesSouth Beach Diet, Atkins, Shakeology... in all honesty we're most comfortable sticking with a strict see-food diet, donut you know? Losing weight is an uphill battle and our My Goal Is To Lose Ten...

Narcissist Mints

$3.99

It's all about you and your breath You’re so vain, you probably think these mints are about you, don’t you? Now your favorite narcissist can have fresh breath while he admires himself in the mirror and explains why you’re wrong!...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum

$1.99

Dance like everyone is watching! Our deliciously cheeky Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum is a fun little gift punctuated with minty flavor and biting humor! Behold a cool and minty present with a message that is sure to strike a chord with your...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum

$1.99

Cleverly attack over-sharing Our Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum is the best way to break it to your overactive, overachieving friends that you've heard enough. In this day and age of social networking, over-sharing is a common occurrence...

Watermelon CBD Lollipops

$14.99

You won't be feeling Melon-choly anymore! Our super lip-smacking Watermelon CBD Lollipops are ready to melt your anxiety away. These suckers look, feel and taste just like a lollipop but they won't leave you feeling the same because these are made with...

Berry CBD Lollipops

$14.99

You won't be feeling Berry blue much longer! Our bluer than blue Berry CBD Lollipops, which are a delicious flavorable blend of blueberry, cherry and raspberry are ready to melt your anxiety away. These suckers look, feel and taste just like a...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray

$4.99

Introducing our Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray... Liquid Marijuana*.  Your very own Buzz in a Bottle! Catch the perfect buzz without catching the heat!  Get high at work, in class, even at the pool! So discreet you can use it...

Fudge-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

Oh, Fudge!  We feel like a kid in a candy shop! Our eye catching Fudge-Pop Lollipops are available in 6 different color/flavor combinations... How will we ever decide!? Strawberry/Chocolate (Pink & Brown) Vanilla/Chocolate (White & Brown)...

Get Along With Your Co-Workers Gum

$1.99

Your Job Doesn't Suck, Just Your Co-Workers The reality in the majority of people's lives is that they have to get a job to survive. Unfortunately you get stuck working alongside people you might not otherwise frequent in the free world! To make your...

I Hate You Just Kidding Gum

$1.99

Do you think I'm kidding? Yeah, yeah... wasting time hating someone is like poisoning yourself and expecting the other person to die... or something insightful like that.   This could be fun gum to give your friend if you guys share an inside...

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