Lump O' Coal - Because You're an Asshole

Perpetual KidSKU: XMAS-2021
NOW 42% OFF!

Sale price$3.50 Regular price$5.99
In stock + ready to ship!

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Ho ho ho! Not so fast, a--hole!

So, they thought they could outsmart Santa, eh? Well, our cheeky Lump O' Coal will show them otherwise. So, sack it to them with the perfect holiday gift for naughty boys and girls! 

  • Lump O' Christmas Coal - Because You're an Asshole.
  • Participate in the tradition of gift-giving without all the ash kissing! 
  • 100% genuine premium hard coal with a beautiful all-natural submetallic luster. It's almost too nice to give away!
  • The back of the gift tag features a fun checklist of possible offenses.
  • Eco-friendly, vintage-red reusable jute bag.
  • Mined and made in the USA!

And since the spirit of Santa Claus has pagan roots (dontcha know?) you may be interested in the metaphysical properties of coal! It's known as the stone of remorse, and is said to aid in acceptance and understanding of a situation and helps to break bad habits. So it makes perfect sense that Santa would hand out these rocks to little assholes to help them repent! Better luck next year!

Retro Wine-Red. Burlap drawstring bag. Measures approximately 4 inches wide x 6 inches tall. Our sweary Lump O' Christmas Coal contains approximately 3 oz of real anthracite coal, mined in the United States. It's the perfect Secret Santa or White Elephant Gift!

Within the contiguous United States. $5.95 for orders under $49. Orders ship the same day if received by 11AM EST Mon-Fri. Click for more details!

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