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Funny Gifts

Weird and funny, sometimes offensive, but always a huge hit!  

A-mews-ing Kitten Sound LED Key Light

$4.99

Our totally A-mews-ing Kitten Sound LED Key Light is the purrfect way to meow your way to the front door! Who hasn't lost their keys and dug around in the dark looking for them? The Kitten Sound LED Key Light offers not only a handy LED light to light...

Bag Of Unicorn Farts

$8.99

Top Unicorn Gift! Ode to Bag of Unicorn Farts  |  Sugar is sweet, lemons are tart.  |  We love you more than a Bag of Unicorn Farts! A perfect gift for the lovers, the dreamers and you!  It's not an illusion... we've...

Beer Bottle Opener Ring

$5.99 $3.99

Unbeerlievably Handy! Stop searching through drawers, put down that lighter, and for Pete's sake get that bottle away from your back teeth! Now you'll never be left without the ability to open a tasty micro brew or specialty beer when you have our...

Bob Ross Happy Little Mints

$3.49

With our Bob Ross Happy Little Mints, The Joy of Painting and fresh breath are now within reach! Talk to the tree, make friends with it. People might look at you a bit funny, but it's okay. Artists are allowed to be a bit different. Enjoy the...

Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle

$11.99

Babies can learn to count while doing reps! Our Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle turns junior into a bench-pressin' body-builder!  Never be embarrassed by "baby fat" again!  Seriously folks... don't read into that statement (or send us hate mail) - it...

Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup Decoy Safe

$12.49

Don't worry, we won't tell anyone that a can of Cream of Mushroom soup is the key ingredient in your amazing crock pot masterpiece.  Your secret is safe with us.  Well okay, maybe it's not.  But your secret valuables are actually safe in...

Classic Disguise Glasses

$4.49

When you're on a top-secret mission, you need something that will help you blend in to the crowd, something that will make you unrecognizable... our Classic Disguise Glasses will do the trick!   You'll get a whole new look with the black, furry...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Deluxe Finger Monster Set

$4.99

Boxed Set of Scary Do you know the secret of shopping at Perpetual Kid?  One of these super silly sneaky monsters ships out with each order of $10+!  That way they can keep an eye (or four) on your goodies during their trip!  Don't worry,...

Desktop Skee-Ball Game

$9.99

Let the good times roll! Our officially-licensed Desktop Skee-Ball Game kit includes everything you need to play your own version of desktop Skee-Ball! A beacon of childhood memories and general nostalgia Skee-Ball is one of the most recognized and...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

I Need More Money And Power And Less Sh*t From You People Gum

$1.99

Smile and nod.  Smile and nod.  Make sure to wear your mouth guard at night, so you don't grind your teeth down to nubs. You may not be able to lighten the workload at the office, but you sure can lighten the mood with our I Need More Money and...

Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum

$1.99

Just once piece of our Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum unlocks the dialogue between you and your pet!  You'll finally be able to share your intimate dreams and fears, stock tips, recipes and who you think should be kicked off Big Brother next! For...

Jesus Bandages

$5.49

Jesus Will Heal You and Your Boo Boo! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of Jesus bandages. And if a Jesus bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY included in the tin! The Jesus Bandage...

Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm

$6.99

Our old fashioned, lip-smacking Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm is the best! So why mess with the rest? You might not think an old-fashioned soda fountain would be welcoming to the likes of a positively pink octopus with long luscious lashes. But...

Narwhal Lip Gloss

$4.99

Tusk, tusk, tusk... It's true! Narwhal Lip Gloss really does exist! This pudgy little Unicorn of the Sea has swam all the way from the Arctic to help you make sure that your kisses are legendary! He's not just over-whale-mingly cute, he serves a...

Official World's Smallest Etch-A-Sketch

$6.99

The World's Favorite Drawing Toy What do you get the person that has everything? Simple.... The World's Smallest Etch-a-Sketch. This classic toy has been bringing joy and amusement to countless people for as long as 50 years- and now that it's pocket...

Official World's Smallest Perplexus

$9.99

Easy to Play... Hard to Master! We can describe the World's Smallest Perplexus in one word. A-maze-ing. *badum tssh* Perplexus Original now comes in a miniature pocket-sized edition so you can keep playing on the go! This 3D maze has always been a fun...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is...

Pocket Science Pet Tornado

$7.99

Great gift for the storm chaser in your life! Messy office?  Great! So now when your snarky office mate asks if your desk was hit by a tornado, you can say in fact yes, and proudly introduce them to your Pet Tornado.   Give the jar a swirl or...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Rubber Chicken Air Freshener

$4.99

Highest rated air freshener by killer clowns! Your car has been smelling funny lately, but our Rubber Chicken Air Freshener by Archie McPhee will make it smell downright hilarious! Lucky for you (and for your unsuspecting passengers) this particular...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth Please Seriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Some People Just Need A High Five Gum

$1.99

We think you know those kinds of people. You know them well... Maybe TOO well. Sorry about that, by the way. You deserve more.   Our "Some People Just Need A High Five. In the Face. With a Chair" Gum will help you easily relay your empathy and...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

The Original Wiz-z-zer

$7.99

Go on, take it for a spin The Original Wiz-z-zer is back and it's ready to shred the competition! Step aside Beyblades there's a new sheriff in town!  You can't expect your mom to hold on to you all of your old toys! So, if you've been looking...

Two For Tea Narwhal Tea Infuser + Mug Gift Set

$19.99 $17.59

Having trouble telling the world how you feel? Cut the blubber and get straight to the point with Our Two For Narwhal Tea Infuser and Mug set! It's the classic love story... mug meets infuser and happiness brews. This dynamic duo consists of our Spiked...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go Getters You are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

You Leave Sparkles Everywhere You Go Gum

$1.99

Share A Piece Of This Gum When You Enjoy Someone's Good Vibes Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day... If you forgot to take Mr. Como's advice, our totally dreamy You Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go Gum is a close runner...

You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

$1.99

For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard   Our vintage styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun an unexpected gift you can slip to any prick you may happen upon during your day.   Can't think of anyone deserving of such...

100% Legal Pot (Holder)

$9.99

Get Baked + Cook At The Same Time! So, what you've got here is a pot holder that LOOKS like a pot leaf! Pot ... pot. Hilarious!  Long after the novelty of this aptly-named product wears off, you'll be enjoying its quality construction and...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure...

Bitches Get Stuff Done Coin Purse

$4.99

Go ahead.  At first glance, it may seem like this little girl is taking a joy ride on a sweet, puffy cloud.  But look again.  Kind of looks like the cloud's the one being taken for a ride, doesn't it?  Introducing the subtle...

Dancing with Jesus Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book

$10.99

Lord Almighty! Jesus sure has some righteous moves! Our Dancing with Jesus: Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book is truly a God send! Are your dance moves unrighteous?  Do you refrain from getting down, lest others judge you cruelly?  Fear not...

Hangry Handy Lunch Tote

$9.99

If you don't watch out, somebody might get hurt.  That's right, I'm looking at you Veggie Burrito! If you're looking to own a lunch bag that screams equal parts cute and "get the heck out of my way, I need to eat!" we've got just the one for you!...

Happy Camper DIY Pencil Holder

$12.99

Kitschy camper for your crayons!  Simply assemble and you're ready to park our retro-styled Happy Camper Pencil Holder on your desk.  Toss in your pens and pencils, kick back and relax! Then you can start planning your next grand adventure (or...

Helping Hands Chopsticks

$4.99

Looks like your chopstick skills could use a helping hand. Please, a tiny round of applause for our Helping Hands Chopsticks, which were recently featured on BuzzFeed! Hilariously adorable they also make it perfectly okay to eat with your hands, in any...

Hey Bitches Gum

$1.99

Bitches + Kittens When you whip out your pack of Hey Bitches Gum, you'd better be ready to toss back a box of Pino Grigio! You are calling the pack - your gang of girls together. Will it be a tears and ice cream night or a go out and (no survivors)...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

I Just Sh*t In The Woods Hand Sanitizer

$6.99

Watch your step! The worst thing about camping or hiking is that sudden urge to drop a deuce.   So next time you poop in the woods, have our I Just Shit in The Woods Hand Sanitizer available for your cleaning and sanitizing needs.   Let's...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum Sometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum on you at all times!  You never know when a...

Mini Desktop Cornhole Kit

$9.99

Give it a toss! Throw that bag in the hole! Our magnificently Mini Desktop Cornhole Kit includes everything you need to play desktop cornhole at the office with co-workers, at home with your cat, or at parties with friends! Two raised...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Nose Aerobics Basketball

$4.99

Anyone up for a game of faceball? The nose is the most neglected muscle in your body.   That's why our Nose Aerobics Basketball is the next big thing.   It's exercise for your nose!   Dramatically increase your sense of smell* while...

Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode

$3.99

Phenomenal crystalline interior Our seemingly unremarkable Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode looks like a mild-mannered rock from the Daily Planet... however, secretly hiding inside is an amazing cavern of crystals! Pretty much the embodiment of the...

Official World's Coolest Polaroid Camera

$7.99

Oh snap! Our World's Coolest Polaroid Camera may not be a working camera - but don't be so negative! It's only an amazingly cool miniature version of the original Polaroid Land Camera, with sound and simulated film! Just press the red button and the...

Pineapple Brown Sugar Lip Shit

$6.99

Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good? Behold our Blue Q Pineapple Brown Sugar Lip Shit! Have you ever seen a cuter little kitty eating an ice cream cone on the top of a tin of high-quality, super-moisturizing lip balm? Us either!Our yumtastic...

Pop Pop Snappers

$1.49

Drop it!  Throw it!  Step on it!  Snap it! The one thing standing between you and having the time of your life is getting our old school Pop Pop Snappers!  These classic bang snaps aren't just fun to throw, they're the best...

Rosie the Riveter Bandages

$5.49

We can do it! Our Rosie the Riveter Bandages let people know that you got hurt doing something important and persisted through the owie to achieve greatness! Rosie the Riveter was so tough and determined that she could work through just about anything...

Shakespearean Insult Bandages

$5.49

Add Elizabethan Insult To Injury! Even though thou art a mangled folly-fallen ratsbane, thou shalt still treat thy wounds with our Shakespearean Insult Bandages!   These plasters (British for bandages) will help heal your boo-boos and ouchies caused...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap

$3.49

Bob Ross Wet-on-Wet Technique Reach for The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap whenever you’re feeling a little Prussian Blue!   Make some happy little clouds of foam! This vegetable soap is made with glycerin, shea butter, and cocoa...

Weed Money Coin Purse

$4.99

Our adorably giggly Weed Money Coin Purse is highly sought after throughout the kawaii loving stoner community.   Let's be blunt.   It might not be big enough for your stash but... it's a start!   For sure, it can easily hold some coinage...

Bacon Bandages

$5.49

Making Bacon Boo Boos! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of our Bacon Bandages. And if a cool bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY! Includes a small toy to help make even the...

Car Full Of Squirrels Auto Sunshade

$17.99

We're totally nutty! This collapsible indoor windshield cover will not only protect and cool your car while blocking UV rays, it will also make it appear like it’s full of a squad of sassy squirrels. (And yes, the one in the middle is wearing our...

Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist

$11.99

Because lighting a match around all of that gas doesn't seem like a good idea. Our Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist is made with fragrant essential oils to avoid cheap perfume fog and butt smog. Two quick squirts in the toilet before you squat and that Taco Bell...

Duck Duck Drink Tea Infuser

$14.99

It’s tea time, so bottom’s up! Our Duck Duck Drink Tea Infuser is a charming tea infuser that floats in your cup — bobbing and brewing loose tea leaves to perfection. When you're stressed out and feel like telling the world to go...

Enchanted Unicorn Bandages

$5.49

May the power of the unicorn heal you! With the magical healing power of these Enchanted Unicorn Bandages, even your ouchiest owies will heal up in no time! Each 3.75" tall metal tin contains fifteen 3" x 1" adhesive bandages with sterile gauze and a...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins

$5.99

You're filthy, wipe your mouth! It's time to put your money where your mouth is with our Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins! Refine your cocktail party experience with these high-quality, highfalutin napkins will keep you looking like a million bucks, even...

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