Funny Gifts

Weird and funny, sometimes offensive, but always a huge hit!  

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

The Original Wiz-z-zer

$7.99

Go on, take it for a spin The Original Wiz-z-zer is back and it's ready to shred the competition! Step aside Beyblades there's a new sheriff in town!  You can't expect your mom to hold on to you all of your old toys! So, if you've been looking...

Abraham Lincoln Bandages

$5.49

Scrape of Injustice? Our Abraham Lincoln Bandages off the comforting, instantly recognizable image of one of our greatest presidents on a bandage.   Scrape or cut, if you're looking for an honest bandage, our Abraham Lincoln bandages will live up...

It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum

$1.99

Makes sense to us! Our thought provoking, It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum really gave us something to chew on! Meow, we've always really admired one's ability to argue a point. Those crazy cat ladies are really onto something! This...

Uncanny Cocktail Wiener Erasers

$9.99

Oh, don't be such a weenie! Of course, our Uncanny Cocktail Wiener Erasers are the perfect departure gift from a less than admirable ex-boyfriend! Particularly after you discovered he was just a pig in a blanket. I mean, there are wurst things you...

Best Buds Mint Gum

$1.99

Guaranteed Good Shit To Share With A Cannabis Loving Buddy The rumors are true... our gum has gone to pot! Our Best Buds Gum has been made with a very special, mind-altering ingredient. It's called LOVE. Looking for CBD Infused Edibles and...

F*ck It Gum

$1.99

Pardon Our Fucking French What's my new personal motto you ask? F*CK IT! Pardon my French. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, you'll get your point across quickly! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches tall.

Hangry Handy Lunch Tote

$9.99

If you don't watch out, somebody might get hurt.  That's right, I'm looking at you Veggie Burrito! If you're looking to own a lunch bag that screams equal parts cute and "get the heck out of my way, I need to eat!" we've got just the one for you!...

Jesus Bandages

$5.49

Jesus Will Heal You and Your Boo Boo! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of Jesus bandages. And if a Jesus bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY included in the tin! The Jesus Bandage...

Bravery Bandages

$5.49

Our hilarious, yet distinguished, Bravery Bandages celebrate the nearly forgotten art of resiliency! Everyone recognizes bravery when it’s risking your life to save someone or facing impossible odds, but some bravery is on a much smaller scale...

Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist

$11.99

Because lighting a match around all of that gas doesn't seem like a good idea. Our Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist is made with fragrant essential oils to avoid cheap perfume fog and butt smog. Two quick squirts in the toilet before you squat and that Taco Bell...

Instant Winter Snow

$3.99

Make your own Yeti habitat! Our Instant Winter Snow is here to save the day! It's quite possible that snowbody loves snow days more than we do!  However, if you're a like-minded creature who loves the white fluffy stuff too and are possibly...

Helping Hands Chopsticks

$4.99

Looks like your chopstick skills could use a helping hand. Please, a tiny round of applause for our Helping Hands Chopsticks, which were recently featured on BuzzFeed! Hilariously adorable they also make it perfectly okay to eat with your hands, in any...

Dancing with Jesus Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book

$10.99

Lord Almighty! Jesus sure has some righteous moves! Our Dancing with Jesus: Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book is truly a God send! Are your dance moves unrighteous?  Do you refrain from getting down, lest others judge you cruelly?  Fear not...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

Deluxe Finger Monster Set

$4.99

Boxed Set of Scary Do you know the secret of shopping at Perpetual Kid?  One of these super silly sneaky monsters ships out with each order of $10+!  That way they can keep an eye (or four) on your goodies during their trip!  Don't worry,...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

Enchanted Unicorn Bandages

$5.49

May the power of the unicorn heal you! With the magical healing power of these Enchanted Unicorn Bandages, even your ouchiest owies will heal up in no time! Each 3.75" tall metal tin contains fifteen 3" x 1" adhesive bandages with sterile gauze and a...

I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum

$1.99

Uh, oh! They've found us out! Our I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum is dropping truth bombs by way of delicious chicklet-sized mint gum! A fun item to have for those moments when you don't have time for humility. If they didn't get the message at...

Here's Your Gift Motherf*cker Gum

$1.99

The Perfect Present For Someone That's In The Family But Not In The Circle Our Here's Your Gift Motherfucker Gum turns the art of obligatory gift giving into something truly amazing.  A perfect cheap and useful gift for someone you love or love to...

Huggy Tiny Tree Frog Ear Cuff

$4.99

Your good luck charm! They say that when a lucky frog comes into your life that it's a sign of transformation and it may well spark many wonderful changes! Well that's just a little bit more than a tad exciting!  Our single Tiny Hugging Tree Frog...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum

$1.99

Just once piece of our Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum unlocks the dialogue between you and your pet!  You'll finally be able to share your intimate dreams and fears, stock tips, recipes and who you think should be kicked off Big Brother next! For...

Kitten Bandages

$5.99

Got another scratch?   You've gotta be kitten me!    Cover up cuts, scratches, and scrapes with our adorably irresistible Kitten Bandages!  Now you can avoid cat scratch fever with a little help from a furr-iendly little feline...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is in...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go Getters You are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

Official World's Smallest Lite-Brite

$7.99

Honey, I Shrunk the Lite-Brite! Our Hasbro licensed, World's Smallest Lite-Brite is just like the one you had in the 70's and 80's - just a lot smaller! And YES! It actually works! You will love create tiny pictures on the smallest Lite Brite you have...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure to...

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes

$6.99

​Hi, Neighbor! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ever since our awesomely nostalgic Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes arrived!  Let them serve as a polite reminder to feed the fish, visit the Neighborhood of Make-Believe or change into...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Shakespearean Insult Bandages

$5.49

Add Elizabethan Insult To Injury! Even though thou art a mangled folly-fallen ratsbane, thou shalt still treat thy wounds with our Shakespearean Insult Bandages!   These plasters (British for bandages) will help heal your boo-boos and ouchies caused...

Rosie the Riveter Bandages

$5.49

We can do it! Our Rosie the Riveter Bandages let people know that you got hurt doing something important and persisted through the owie to achieve greatness! Rosie the Riveter was so tough and determined that she could work through just about anything...

Desktop Skee-Ball Game

$9.99

Let the good times roll! Our officially-licensed Desktop Skee-Ball Game kit includes everything you need to play your own version of desktop Skee-Ball! A beacon of childhood memories and general nostalgia Skee-Ball is one of the most recognized and...

Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins

$5.99

You're filthy, wipe your mouth! It's time to put your money where your mouth is with our Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins! Refine your cocktail party experience with these high-quality, highfalutin napkins will keep you looking like a million bucks, even...

Mister Rogers' Encouragements

$3.49

Won't you, please?  Please, won't you, please?  Please, have one or two Mister Rogers' Encouragemints!! Whether you're changing into your suit or your cardigan - whether you're coming home or going out into the neighborhood, you'll have more...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Official World's Smallest Perplexus

$9.99

Easy to Play... Hard to Master! We can describe the World's Smallest Perplexus in one word. A-maze-ing. *badum tssh* Perplexus Original now comes in a miniature pocket-sized edition so you can keep playing on the go! This 3D maze has always been a fun...

Squirrel Underpants

$5.99

Underwear For Your Squirrel Are you sick and tired of squirrels running naked in the trees around your house? Have you had to hide your children's eyes when a tiny furry streaker crosses the sidewalk in front of you? We've got the answer...Squirrel...

I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum

$1.99

Emotionally exhausted from being dragged by the drama llama? Our I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum was made for you. You know what they say: the grass is always greener on the other side of the emotionally-dead fence! Ahhh. Wouldn't it...

Magical Mushroom Pen

$2.99

Next time your co-worker-who-never-has-a-pen stops by your desk, you can hide your toadstoolly awesome Magic Mushroom Pen in plain site, and they'll be none the wiser. For this non-poisonous (and incredibly adorable) shroom tchotchke holds magical powers...

Weed Money Coin Purse

$4.99

Our adorably giggly Weed Money Coin Purse is highly sought after throughout the kawaii loving stoner community.   Let's be blunt.   It might not be big enough for your stash but... it's a start!   For sure, it can easily hold some coinage...

Beer Bottle Opener Ring

$5.99 $3.99

Unbeerlievably Handy! Stop searching through drawers, put down that lighter, and for Pete's sake get that bottle away from your back teeth! Now you'll never be left without the ability to open a tasty micro brew or specialty beer when you have our...

Totally 80's Bracelet Pen

$2.99

Now you may not have needed it to scribble notes that you discretely passed to your friend in between classes or to write down the name of the song you just heard on the radio... but our Totally 80's Bangle Bracelet is sure to come in handy in this...

Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.59

Not Gonna Melt! Our fascinating Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich is a tasty snack that anyone can enjoy, whether you’re out exploring the galaxy or hanging back here on Earth! Frozen in time, yet not frozen in temperature, it takes the ice...

Pickle Bandages

$5.49

Never underestimate the protective power of pickles! This pickle bandage prevents pickle brine from stinging your cuts, scrapes or other minor boo-boos! And if a Pickle Bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY! 15 ...

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