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Funny Gifts

Weird and funny, sometimes offensive, but always a huge hit!  

Happy Camper DIY Pencil Holder

$12.99

Kitschy camper for your crayons!  Simply assemble and you're ready to park our retro-styled Happy Camper Pencil Holder on your desk.  Toss in your pens and pencils, kick back and relax! Then you can start planning your next grand adventure...

A-mews-ing Kitten Sound LED Key Light

$4.99

Our totally A-mews-ing Kitten Sound LED Key Light is the purrfect way to meow your way to the front door! Who hasn't lost their keys and dug around in the dark looking for them? The Kitten Sound LED Key Light offers not only a handy LED light to light...

Bag Of Unicorn Farts

$8.99

Top Unicorn Gift! Ode to Bag of Unicorn Farts  |  Sugar is sweet, lemons are tart.  |  We love you more than a Bag of Unicorn Farts! A perfect gift for the lovers, the dreamers and you!  It's not an illusion... we've...

Beer Bottle Opener Ring

$5.99 $3.99

Unbeerlievably Handy! Stop searching through drawers, put down that lighter, and for Pete's sake get that bottle away from your back teeth! Now you'll never be left without the ability to open a tasty micro brew or specialty beer when you have our...

Bob Ross Happy Little Mints

$3.49

With our Bob Ross Happy Little Mints, The Joy of Painting and fresh breath are now within reach! Talk to the tree, make friends with it. People might look at you a bit funny, but it's okay. Artists are allowed to be a bit different. Enjoy the...

Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle

$11.99

Babies can learn to count while doing reps! Our Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle turns junior into a bench-pressin' body-builder!  Never be embarrassed by "baby fat" again!  Seriously folks... don't read into that statement (or send us hate mail) - it...

Classic Disguise Glasses

$4.49

When you're on a top-secret mission, you need something that will help you blend in to the crowd, something that will make you unrecognizable... our Classic Disguise Glasses will do the trick!   You'll get a whole new look with the black, furry...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Deluxe Finger Monster Set

$4.99

Boxed Set of Scary Do you know the secret of shopping at Perpetual Kid?  One of these super silly sneaky monsters ships out with each order of $10+!  That way they can keep an eye (or four) on your goodies during their trip!  Don't worry,...

Jesus Bandages

$5.49

Jesus Will Heal You and Your Boo Boo! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of Jesus bandages. And if a Jesus bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY included in the tin! The Jesus Bandage...

Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm

$6.99

Our old fashioned, lip-smacking Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm is the best! So why mess with the rest? You might not think an old-fashioned soda fountain would be welcoming to the likes of a positively pink octopus with long luscious lashes. But...

Mac & Cheese Candy Canes

$6.49

We wish you a cheesy Christmas! Behold! A six-pack of candy canes that taste like your childhood favorite macaroni and cheese. Instant mac & cheese flavor, just like mom used to make! It's comfort food that tastes like comfort food A mashup of...

Narwhal Lip Gloss

$4.99

Tusk, tusk, tusk... It's true! Narwhal Lip Gloss really does exist! This pudgy little Unicorn of the Sea has swam all the way from the Arctic to help you make sure that your kisses are legendary! He's not just over-whale-mingly cute, he serves a...

Official World's Smallest Etch-A-Sketch

$6.99

The World's Favorite Drawing Toy What do you get the person that has everything? Simple.... The World's Smallest Etch-a-Sketch. This classic toy has been bringing joy and amusement to countless people for as long as 50 years- and now that it's pocket...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is...

Pocket Science Pet Tornado

$9.99

Great gift for the storm chaser in your life! Messy office?  Great! So now when your snarky office mate asks if your desk was hit by a tornado, you can say in fact yes, and proudly introduce them to your Pet Tornado.   Give the jar a swirl...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$3.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Rubber Chicken Air Freshener

$4.99

Highest rated air freshener by killer clowns! Your car has been smelling funny lately, but our Rubber Chicken Air Freshener by Archie McPhee will make it smell downright hilarious! Lucky for you (and for your unsuspecting passengers) this particular...

Rubber Chicken Bandages

$5.49

From tears of pain to tears of laughter. If laughter is the best medicine, then our Rubber Chicken Bandages are a cure for what ails you!* Next time you impale yourself with an unwieldy object, don't run around like a chicken with your head cut off!...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth Please Seriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Sloth Nurse Bandages

$5.49 $4.83

Get better at your own speed Our Sloth Nurse Bandages encourage you to heal faster by taking it easy! So, just relax and get better at your own speed. Why be in such a hurry that when you get hurt you just keep on going? That’s no way to heal! Our...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

The Original Squirmles

$3.99

Squirmles - It's a Magical Pet! Straight outta 1974...  re-introducing The Original Squirmles! These soft + slinky fellas are magical pets that wiggle, jump, and do tricks over your hands and in and out of cups. Spoiler Alert: The secret is...

The Original Wacky Wally Wall Crawler

$3.99

From the Window to the Wall It's the Original Wacky Wally Wall Crawler!  Remember back to the day, maybe it was at school or at home, you would toss your Wacky Wally onto a smooth wall or glass surface and watch him walk down!  It now comes...

Two For Tea Narwhal Tea Infuser + Mug Gift Set

$19.99

Having trouble telling the world how you feel? Cut the blubber and get straight to the point with Our Two For Narwhal Tea Infuser and Mug set! It's the classic love story... mug meets infuser and happiness brews. This dynamic duo consists of our Spiked...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go Getters You are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

You Leave Sparkles Everywhere You Go Gum

$1.99

Share A Piece Of This Gum When You Enjoy Someone's Good Vibes Catch a falling star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day... If you forgot to take Mr. Como's advice, our totally dreamy You Leave Sparkles Wherever You Go Gum is a close runner...

You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

$1.99

For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard   Our vintage styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun an unexpected gift you can slip to any prick you may happen upon during your day.   Can't think of anyone deserving of such...

100% Legal Pot (Holder)

$9.99

Get Baked + Cook At The Same Time! So, what you've got here is a pot holder that LOOKS like a pot leaf! Pot ... pot. Hilarious!  Long after the novelty of this aptly-named product wears off, you'll be enjoying its quality construction and...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure...

Bitches Get Stuff Done Coin Purse

$4.99

Go ahead.  At first glance, it may seem like this little girl is taking a joy ride on a sweet, puffy cloud.  But look again.  Kind of looks like the cloud's the one being taken for a ride, doesn't it?  Introducing the subtle...

Dancing with Jesus Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book

$10.99

Lord Almighty! Jesus sure has some righteous moves! Our Dancing with Jesus: Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book is truly a God send! Are your dance moves unrighteous?  Do you refrain from getting down, lest others judge you cruelly?  Fear not...

Hangry Handy Lunch Tote

$9.99

If you don't watch out, somebody might get hurt.  That's right, I'm looking at you Veggie Burrito! If you're looking to own a lunch bag that screams equal parts cute and "get the heck out of my way, I need to eat!" we've got just the one for you!...

Helping Hands Chopsticks

$4.99

Looks like your chopstick skills could use a helping hand. Please, a tiny round of applause for our Helping Hands Chopsticks, which were recently featured on BuzzFeed! Hilariously adorable they also make it perfectly okay to eat with your hands, in any...

Here's Your Gift Motherf*cker Gum

$1.99

The Perfect Present For Someone That's In The Family But Not In The Circle Our Here's Your Gift Motherfucker Gum turns the art of obligatory gift giving into something truly amazing.  A perfect cheap and useful gift for someone you love or love to...

Hey Bitches Gum

$1.99

Bitches + Kittens When you whip out your pack of Hey Bitches Gum, you'd better be ready to toss back a box of Pino Grigio! You are calling the pack - your gang of girls together. Will it be a tears and ice cream night or a go out and (no survivors)...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

I Just Sh*t In The Woods Hand Sanitizer

$6.99

Watch your step! The worst thing about camping or hiking is that sudden urge to drop a deuce.   So next time you poop in the woods, have our I Just Shit in The Woods Hand Sanitizer available for your cleaning and sanitizing needs.   Let's...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum Sometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum on you at all times!  You never know when a...

Instant Winter Snow

$3.99

Make your own Yeti habitat! Our Instant Winter Snow is here to save the day! It's quite possible that snowbody loves snow days more than we do!  However, if you're a like-minded creature who loves the white fluffy stuff too and are possibly...

Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum

$1.99

Just once piece of our Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum unlocks the dialogue between you and your pet!  You'll finally be able to share your intimate dreams and fears, stock tips, recipes and who you think should be kicked off Big Brother next! For...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$3.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Nose Aerobics Basketball

$4.99

Anyone up for a game of faceball? The nose is the most neglected muscle in your body.   That's why our Nose Aerobics Basketball is the next big thing.   It's exercise for your nose!   Dramatically increase your sense of smell* while...

Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode

$3.99

Phenomenal crystalline interior Our seemingly unremarkable Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode looks like a mild-mannered rock from the Daily Planet... however, secretly hiding inside is an amazing cavern of crystals! Pretty much the embodiment of the...

Official World's Coolest Polaroid Camera

$7.99

Oh snap! Our World's Coolest Polaroid Camera may not be a working camera - but don't be so negative! It's only an amazingly cool miniature version of the original Polaroid Land Camera, with sound and simulated film! Just press the red button and the...

Pop Pop Snappers

$1.49

Drop it!  Throw it!  Step on it!  Snap it! The one thing standing between you and having the time of your life is getting our old school Pop Pop Snappers!  These classic bang snaps aren't just fun to throw, they're the best...

Rosie the Riveter Bandages

$5.49

We can do it! Our Rosie the Riveter Bandages let people know that you got hurt doing something important and persisted through the owie to achieve greatness! Rosie the Riveter was so tough and determined that she could work through just about anything...

Shakespearean Insult Bandages

$5.49

Add Elizabethan Insult To Injury! Even though thou art a mangled folly-fallen ratsbane, thou shalt still treat thy wounds with our Shakespearean Insult Bandages!   These plasters (British for bandages) will help heal your boo-boos and ouchies caused...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap

$3.49

Bob Ross Wet-on-Wet Technique Reach for The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap whenever you’re feeling a little Prussian Blue!   Make some happy little clouds of foam! This vegetable soap is made with glycerin, shea butter, and cocoa...

Unicorn Fart Lollipop

$3.99

We're ecstatic about our prismatic Unicorn Fart Lollipop by Melville Candy! It is a real gas! A real mythical rainbow-colored fruit-punch-tasting gas-sy fart that is! How did this product get pulled from our imaginations and brought to you on a stick,...

Weed Money Coin Purse

$4.99

Our adorably giggly Weed Money Coin Purse is highly sought after throughout the kawaii loving stoner community.   Let's be blunt.   It might not be big enough for your stash but... it's a start!   For sure, it can easily hold some coinage...

Bacon Bandages

$5.49

Making Bacon Boo Boos! Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of our Bacon Bandages. And if a cool bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY! Includes a small toy to help make even the...

Bag of Reindeer Farts

$8.99

Santa's Favorite Christmas Snack! Ho-Ho-Hold the cookies! Santa's favorite Christmas treat is a Bag of Reindeer Farts! Straight from Santa's Workshop at the North Pole comes a delicacy so rare that few know it exists. As part of a magically unique diet...

Balloons For Jerks

$7.99

You're the worst! What are Balloons for Jerks? Just what you would imagine,,, They’re balloons for jerks. Even if your friend isn't a jerk all the time or never at all, these balloons are hilariously embarrassing and everyone will get a laugh...

Car Full Of Squirrels Auto Sunshade

$17.99

We're totally nutty! This collapsible indoor windshield cover will not only protect and cool your car while blocking UV rays, it will also make it appear like it’s full of a squad of sassy squirrels. (And yes, the one in the middle is wearing our...

Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist

$11.99

Because lighting a match around all of that gas doesn't seem like a good idea. Our Damn Dude! Lavatory Mist is made with fragrant essential oils to avoid cheap perfume fog and butt smog. Two quick squirts in the toilet before you squat and that Taco Bell...

Desktop Skee-Ball Game

$9.99

Let the good times roll! Our officially-licensed Desktop Skee-Ball Game kit includes everything you need to play your own version of desktop Skee-Ball! A beacon of childhood memories and general nostalgia Skee-Ball is one of the most recognized and...

Duck Duck Drink Tea Infuser

$14.99

It’s tea time, so bottom’s up! Our Duck Duck Drink Tea Infuser is a charming tea infuser that floats in your cup — bobbing and brewing loose tea leaves to perfection. When you're stressed out and feel like telling the world to go...

Enchanted Unicorn Bandages

$5.49

May the power of the unicorn heal you! With the magical healing power of these Enchanted Unicorn Bandages, even your ouchiest owies will heal up in no time! Each 3.75" tall metal tin contains fifteen 3" x 1" adhesive bandages with sterile gauze and a...

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