Funny Gifts

Weird and funny, sometimes offensive, but always a huge hit!  

I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum

$1.99

Uh, oh! They've found us out! Our I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum is dropping truth bombs by way of delicious chicklet-sized mint gum! A fun item to have for those moments when you don't have time for humility. If they didn't get the message at...

Rubber Chicken Men's Socks

$9.99

Socks For The Comedian In Your Life Your feet will immediately begin to feel funny wearing our Rubber Chicken Socks!  Socks are the ultimate way to add your wacky personality to your wardrobe, so why not use the world's most random punchline to...

Kitten Bandages

$5.99

Got another scratch?   You've gotta be kitten me!    Cover up cuts, scratches, and scrapes with our adorably irresistible Kitten Bandages!  Now you can avoid cat scratch fever with a little help from a furr-iendly little feline...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Some People Just Need A High Five Gum

$1.99

We think you know those kinds of people. You know them well... Maybe TOO well. Sorry about that, by the way. You deserve more.   Our "Some People Just Need A High Five. In the Face. With a Chair" Gum will help you easily relay your empathy and...

Two For Tea Narwhal Tea Infuser + Mug Gift Set

$19.99

Having trouble telling the world how you feel? Cut the blubber and get straight to the point with Our Two For Narwhal Tea Infuser and Mug set! It's the classic love story... mug meets infuser and happiness brews. This dynamic duo consists of our Spiked...

Get Along With Your Co-Workers Gum

$1.99

Your Job Doesn't Suck, Just Your Co-Workers The reality in the majority of people's lives is that they have to get a job to survive. Unfortunately you get stuck working alongside people you might not otherwise frequent in the free world! To make your...

Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle

$11.99

Babies can learn to count while doing reps! Our Buff Baby Dumbbell Rattle turns junior into a bench-pressin' body-builder!  Never be embarrassed by "baby fat" again!  Seriously folks... don't read into that statement (or send us hate mail) - it...

Hangry Handy Lunch Tote

$9.99

If you don't watch out, somebody might get hurt.  That's right, I'm looking at you Veggie Burrito! If you're looking to own a lunch bag that screams equal parts cute and "get the heck out of my way, I need to eat!" we've got just the one for you!...

Holy Toast Bread Stamp

$4.99

Holy Mother Of God... what is on my toast! In the beginning...there was bread. Ho hum. Make that boring bread an inspiration by embossing it before you toast! Our easy-to-use HOLY TOAST stamper always makes a good impression. Press the stamper into an...

Shakespearean Insult Bandages

$5.49

Add Elizabethan Insult To Injury! Even though thou art a mangled folly-fallen ratsbane, thou shalt still treat thy wounds with our Shakespearean Insult Bandages!   These plasters (British for bandages) will help heal your boo-boos and ouchies caused...

Car Full Of Squirrels Auto Sunshade

$15.99

We're totally nutty about our Car Full Of Squirrels Auto Sunshade! This collapsible indoor windshield cover will not only protect and cool your car while blocking UV rays, it will also make it appear like it’s full of a squad of sassy squirrels...

I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole, I Thought You Knew Gum

$1.99

Everyone Should Carry A Lot Of This Gum Sometimes you have to remind people that you can be an asshole too.  That's why it's best to carry our I'm Sorry I Called You An Asshole I Thought You Knew Gum on you at all times!  You never know when a...

You're Beautiful, Don't Change Coin Purse

$4.99

Hey girl, just a little something to tell you that we...really like...you.  Just.  The way.  You are. Our perfectly patterned, You're Beautiful, Don't Change Coin Purse is made from an impressive 95% post-consumer material!  Used...

Pop Pop Snappers

$1.49

Drop it!  Throw it!  Step on it!  Snap it! The one thing standing between you and having the time of your life is getting our old school Pop Pop Snappers!  These classic bang snaps aren't just fun to throw, they're the best...

Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm

$6.99

Our old fashioned, lip-smacking Lip Shit Watermelon Tangerine Lip Balm is the best! So why mess with the rest? You might not think an old-fashioned soda fountain would be welcoming to the likes of a positively pink octopus with long luscious lashes. But...

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes

$6.99

​Hi, Neighbor! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ever since our awesomely nostalgic Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes arrived!  Let them serve as a polite reminder to feed the fish, visit the Neighborhood of Make-Believe or change into...

The Super Duper Ball Kit

$5.99

What's more fun than playing with super bouncy balls?  Making them with our Super Duper Bouncy Ball Kit, of course!   With this simple yet awesomely fun kit, you can make 6 vibrant, customized, multicolored, high bouncing balls!  Just...

The Floater Gigantic Poop

$8.99

OMG - Did Becky just drop the kids off at the pool?   With our Gigantic Fake Poo Floater, you can now falsely accuse the little rugrats and have the pool all to yourself.  As soon as they're out of sight... Adult Swim!   Not...

Enchanted Unicorn Bandages

$5.49

May the power of the unicorn heal you! With the magical healing power of these Enchanted Unicorn Bandages, even your ouchiest owies will heal up in no time! Each 3.75" tall metal tin contains fifteen 3" x 1" adhesive bandages with sterile gauze and a...

Total Eclipse Of The Fart Lavatory Mist

$11.99

A fresh remix of an old favorite, our Total Eclipse Of The Fart Lavatory Mist by Blue Q is on track to be a hit in the bathroom! You need this now, tonight.  You need this more than ever. (Especially if it's Taco Tuesday.) Whether you farted or...

Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode

$3.99

Phenomenal crystalline interior Our seemingly unremarkable Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode looks like a mild-mannered rock from the Daily Planet... however, secretly hiding inside is an amazing cavern of crystals! Pretty much the embodiment of the...

Rubber Chicken Bandages

$5.49

From tears of pain to tears of laughter. If laughter is the best medicine, then our Rubber Chicken Bandages are a cure for what ails you!* Next time you impale yourself with an unwieldy object, don't run around like a chicken with your head cut off!...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

Classic Disguise Glasses

$4.49

When you're on a top-secret mission, you need something that will help you blend in to the crowd, something that will make you unrecognizable... our Classic Disguise Glasses will do the trick!   You'll get a whole new look with the black, furry...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet

$6.99

Make Your Memos Great Again! Need to get things done fast? Get Trump's Executive Orders Sticky Notes Booklet! Only losers wait for consensus. With plenty of "official" notes from The White House, you'll be on your way to Make Your Memos Great Again...

It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum

$1.99

Makes sense to us! Our thought provoking, It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum really gave us something to chew on! Meow, we've always really admired one's ability to argue a point. Those crazy cat ladies are really onto something! This...

Official World's Smallest Lite-Brite

$7.99

Honey, I Shrunk the Lite-Brite! Our Hasbro licensed, World's Smallest Lite-Brite is just like the one you had in the 70's and 80's - just a lot smaller! And YES! It actually works! You will love create tiny pictures on the smallest Lite Brite you have...

The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap

$3.49

Bob Ross Wet-on-Wet Technique Reach for The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap whenever you’re feeling a little Prussian Blue!   Make some happy little clouds of foam! This vegetable soap is made with glycerin, shea butter, and cocoa...

Happy Gum For Your Crappy Life

$1.99

Happy fact #34. It's a proven fact that a happy person is probably in denial of something. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, your life will seem less crappy... at least while you're chewing this gum! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1...

Rubber Chicken Air Freshener

$4.99

Highest rated air freshener by killer clowns! Your car has been smelling funny lately, but our Rubber Chicken Air Freshener by Archie McPhee will make it smell downright hilarious! Lucky for you (and for your unsuspecting passengers) this particular...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth Please Seriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

The Daily Mood Flipchart

$8.99

Some days the office is like a tea party, other days it's a lion's den. That's why The Daily Mood is a crucial desktop accessory! This fun flip-chart spells out everyone's demeanor in no uncertain terms. There are 47 moods to choose from, each with its...

Dancing with Jesus Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book

$10.99

Lord Almighty! Jesus sure has some righteous moves! Our Dancing with Jesus: Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book is truly a God send! Are your dance moves unrighteous?  Do you refrain from getting down, lest others judge you cruelly?  Fear not...

Rosie the Riveter Bandages

$5.49

We can do it! Our Rosie the Riveter Bandages let people know that you got hurt doing something important and persisted through the owie to achieve greatness! Rosie the Riveter was so tough and determined that she could work through just about anything...

National Embarrassmints

$3.49

Trump your bad breath with a mint! Our Donald Trump National Embarrassmints are pretty darn puny don't ya think?  We hope these mints don't offend you!  We had some Hillary ones too, but they were just picked up by black van full of indictments...

Shine On You Crazy Diamond Shaped LED Earrings

$9.99

You're a shining star! When you're rocking our Shine On You Crazy Diamond Shaped LED Earrings, you're guaranteed to steal the show! The spotlight will always be on you(r ears!) While testing these products out we were totally impressed by how...

I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum

$1.99

Decorated with equally colorful language our I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum is perfect for those frequent moments when you need to send a direct message to the person standing next to you (and you've also just consumed a lot of garlic.) For those days...

Cat Butt Coin Purse

$4.99

Our high quality Cat Butt Coin Purse is the kitty for your cash!   This adorable zippered coin purse features a silly snickering kitty on the front and a useful field guide on the backside!   Just in case you have a chance meeting with a feline...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

Sloth Nurse Bandages

$5.49

Get better at your own speed Our Sloth Nurse Bandages encourage you to heal faster by taking it easy! So, just relax and get better at your own speed. Why be in such a hurry that when you get hurt you just keep on going? That’s no way to heal! Our...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum

$1.99

Just once piece of our Instantly Talk With Your Cat Gum unlocks the dialogue between you and your pet!  You'll finally be able to share your intimate dreams and fears, stock tips, recipes and who you think should be kicked off Big Brother next! For...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is in...

Desktop Skee-Ball Game

$9.99

Let the good times roll! Our officially-licensed Desktop Skee-Ball Game kit includes everything you need to play your own version of desktop Skee-Ball! A beacon of childhood memories and general nostalgia Skee-Ball is one of the most recognized and...

The Original Wiz-z-zer

$7.99

Go on, take it for a spin The Original Wiz-z-zer is back and it's ready to shred the competition! Step aside Beyblades there's a new sheriff in town!  You can't expect your mom to hold on to you all of your old toys! So, if you've been looking...

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