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Giant Wooden Pencil

$8.99

Straight from the land of giants... It's our Giant Pencil!   The greatest feature is that it's a real pencil!   And in that capacity, it functions in all the great ways that a real pencil does. The lead writes, the eraser erases and it's...

King For The Day Inflatable Crown

$6.99

Reach into your closet and pull out our King For The Day Crown and become instant royalty!  Just plop it on your noggin and let your reign begin! By no means does the, "for a day" part actually apply.  Wear this deluxe and regal inflatable...

Mini Desktop Golf Kit

$7.99

Feel like just puttering around? Our tee-rific Mini Desktop Golf Kit is the desktop distraction every golf enthusiast needs! Millions of golf lovers sit at their desks daydreaming of being on the golf course while stuck at work. That's exactly why this...

Dancing with Jesus Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book

$10.99

Lord Almighty! Jesus sure has some righteous moves! Our Dancing with Jesus: Mini Bobbling Figurine + Book is truly a God send! Are your dance moves unrighteous?  Do you refrain from getting down, lest others judge you cruelly?  Fear not...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

Illuminati Air Freshener

$4.99

Come on. Really? Don't blame a conspiracy... it's your fault your car is so stinky! The Illuminati is the secret organization that is rumored to control the world. So it only makes sense that you'd let them control the odor in your car. Don't you want...

Deluxe Finger Monster Set

$4.99

Boxed Set of Scary Do you know the secret of shopping at Perpetual Kid?  One of these super silly sneaky monsters ships out with each order of $10+!  That way they can keep an eye (or four) on your goodies during their trip!  Don't worry,...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

Water Logged Tree Stump Coasters

$7.99

What wood you do if someone ruined your favorite piece of furniture in the thick of your party?  Wood you be fluming mad and tell them cedar later or would you just leaf it alone? No need to branch out and find new friends just yet because our...

Enchanted Unicorn Bandages

$5.49

May the power of the unicorn heal you! With the magical healing power of these Enchanted Unicorn Bandages, even your ouchiest owies will heal up in no time! Each 3.75" tall metal tin contains fifteen 3" x 1" adhesive bandages with sterile gauze and a...

Evidence Tote

$6.99

WARNING: Do not tamper with the contents of our zippered Evidence Tote! This is not a toy in any circumstance unless you're playing beat up the person stealing the evidence. There's even a seal that says OFFICIAL PROPERTY DO NOT OPEN. So were pretty...

Flash Rocks

$4.99

What would Flash Gordon think? Is that triboluminescence in your pocket, or are you just happy to see us? Forseriously though...  Just rub our Flash Rocks together to see a totally natural piezoelectric rock show!  They'll glow internally and...

I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum

$1.99

Uh, oh! They've found us out! Our I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum is dropping truth bombs by way of delicious chicklet-sized mint gum! A fun item to have for those moments when you don't have time for humility. If they didn't get the message at...

My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum

$1.99

Whatever, Karen. Our snarky My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum is the perfectly absurd rebuttal for when you're too deep into your own (Netflix) marathon training and simply too chill to care.  If you're like us, you're exhausted from sight of...

Flash + Fly Helicopter

$2.99

A great toys for kids and husbands! Because there is nothing more entertaining than shooting flashing things into the air and watching them come back down. Seriously. What could be better? Turn on our Fly and Flash Helicopter and sling shot it into the...

My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt is grape for cooking drinking up a storm! Dinner, shminner. Lettuce just skip right to the good stuff! We're convinced... future generations will have figured out a way to grow bottles of wine - glass, cork...

You're Doing F*cking Great! Woven Dish Towel

$12.99

Inspire confidence and encourage laughter with our You're Doing Fucking Great! Woven Dish Towel! Don't settle for a basic dish rag. Dish towels are like the socks of the kitchen! So, go on and add some kick ass personality to your favorite room in the...

Red Red Wine Candle

$11.99

Why? Wine not? Our red, red, Wine Candle is totally lit! A fun and unqiue gift for wine lovers. Now you can have Red Wine (scent) with every meal! Perfect for when you need to stay level headed, and the only thing you'll be pouring over that night is...

Doggy Bag Handy Lunch Tote

$9.99

After an evening of whining and dining, you can playfully bust out our totally fetching Doggy Bag Handy Tote to carry your leftovers home in! It's a DOGGY BAG. Get it??  Bone Appetit! (our apawlogies) This colorful and cheeky pooch tote can be used...

Green Glux Luminous Glowing Super Putty

$6.99

Super Sized Extraterrestrial Sneeze With our Green Glux Luminous Glowing Super Putty, our future's so bright, we gotta wear shades!  Seriously, this stuff glows like nothing we have ever seen. It just sucks up the sunlight and brilliantly radiates...

Here's Your Gift Motherf*cker Gum

$1.99

The Perfect Present For Someone That's In The Family But Not In The Circle Our Here's Your Gift Motherfucker Gum turns the art of obligatory gift giving into something truly amazing.  A perfect cheap and useful gift for someone you love or love to...

Huggy Tiny Tree Frog Ear Cuff

$4.99

Your good luck charm! They say that when a lucky frog comes into your life that it's a sign of transformation and it may well spark many wonderful changes! Well that's just a little bit more than a tad exciting!  Our single Tiny Hugging Tree Frog...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

Polite as F*ck Gym Socks

$11.99

Are you a polite person?  Our daringly discourteous Polite as F*ck Gym Socks are as colorful as the ill-mannered language they put on display! You're such a model citizen, but you need these socks to really let everyone know! Polite as fuck, you...

Stealthy Ninja Bandages

$5.99

Say Hi-Yah! then Bye-Yah! to bothersome boo-boos with our awesome Stealthy Ninja Bandages!  Each bandage looks like a cute little ninja assassin leaping into action.   Cuts and scrapes will be cleverly obscured from view due to the intense...

Deal With It Cat Meme Floaty Pen

$4.99

Cat meme! Our Deal With It Write Side Up Floaty Pen will allow you to get a firm grasp on reality while enjoying a timeless internet meme! Some things never change, like the thrill and amazement of being mesmerized by the hypnotic motion of a floaty pen...

Cone Kitty Air Freshener

$4.99

It's for your own good, Whisker, I promise. This pathetically miserable kitty in a cone will make your commute more bearable. This poor suffering kitteh will fill your automobile with Pot-PURR-i scent and laughs.   Hang it from your rearview mirror...

Adult In Training Men's Crew Socks

$12.99

For every guy out there who struggles with being an adult, our snazzy Adult in Training Men's Crew Socks are just for you. The on-going battle with the alarm clock, striving to make it at work on time, wrestling with the idea of spending your paycheck on...

Kitten Bandages

$5.99

Got another scratch?   You've gotta be kitten me!    Cover up cuts, scratches, and scrapes with our adorably irresistible Kitten Bandages!  Now you can avoid cat scratch fever with a little help from a furr-iendly little feline...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is in...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go Getters You are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

F*ck This Sh*t Men's Socks

$12.99

Not What I Want To Be Doing Right Now Socks We know, we know... why would a classy, well-dressed lumberjack such as this fella use that ugly, undignified word?  Because sometimes you just need a "Fuck," that's why. Our ruggedly handsome Fuck This...

Hell is Other People Men's Socks

$9.99

Socks For The Intorverted Looking for the ultimate conversation stopper? Our Hell is Other People Socks will literally tell the world where you stand (get it, they're socks!) when it comes to socializing. You may think they’re a bit harsh, but...

Official World's Smallest Lite-Brite

$7.99

Honey, I Shrunk the Lite-Brite! Our Hasbro licensed, World's Smallest Lite-Brite is just like the one you had in the 70's and 80's - just a lot smaller! And YES! It actually works! You will love create tiny pictures on the smallest Lite Brite you have...

Giant Snow Loving Panda Winter Snow Mask

$29.99

Panda-monium! When the snow starts a falling, it's time to cause utter panda-monium on the slopes with our positively preposterous Giant Panda Ski Mask with Ears! You're not being bamboo-zled! Now you can hit the trail in quirky style with this...

Greetings From Lake Wine Dish Towel

$10.99

Our delightfully retro Greetings From Lake Wine Dish Towel is a nod to everyone's favorite vacation in a bottle. Now, don't tell anyone. We don't want this place overrun with tourists. This colorful kitchen towel resembles a postcard and features a...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure to...

Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes

$6.99

​Hi, Neighbor! It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood ever since our awesomely nostalgic Mister Rogers' Neighborhood Sticky Notes arrived!  Let them serve as a polite reminder to feed the fish, visit the Neighborhood of Make-Believe or change into...

Retro Mixtape Jumbo Pouch

$9.99

With our Retro Mixtape Jumbo Pouch, getting wound up about losing stuff in your giant bag is a thing of past! If you're a child of the 70's or 80's you'll know that mixtapes were life. They were essential in capturing your fav songs off the radio, making...

Hands Off My Doodads Pencil Case

$5.99

Arguably the most effective in low-tech security Our Hands Off My Doodads Pencil Case will encourage the sneakiest of swipers to keep their filthy paws off your doodads, whatchamacallits, and thingamajigs too! But wait, there's more! As if it wasn't...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Shakespearean Insult Bandages

$5.49

Add Elizabethan Insult To Injury! Even though thou art a mangled folly-fallen ratsbane, thou shalt still treat thy wounds with our Shakespearean Insult Bandages!   These plasters (British for bandages) will help heal your boo-boos and ouchies caused...

I Am Going To Get Sh*t Done. Later. Men's Socks

$12.99

We feel you. And our I Am Going To Get Shit Done. Later. Men's Socks will feel you too if you ever get around to buying them. Not that we're judging you, fellow procrastinators! Because it's okay! Sometimes you just need/deserve a sanity break. Watch...

Rosie the Riveter Bandages

$5.49

We can do it! Our Rosie the Riveter Bandages let people know that you got hurt doing something important and persisted through the owie to achieve greatness! Rosie the Riveter was so tough and determined that she could work through just about anything...

This Meeting Is Bullsh*t Men's Socks

$12.99

Socks For Sucky Meetings At Work Statistically speaking, and according to this colorful PowerPoint pie chart based on what's trending, we'd guesstimate that 90% of meetings match the criteria for wearing our amazingly accurate This Meeting Is Bullshit...

Desktop Skee-Ball Game

$9.99

Let the good times roll! Our officially-licensed Desktop Skee-Ball Game kit includes everything you need to play your own version of desktop Skee-Ball! A beacon of childhood memories and general nostalgia Skee-Ball is one of the most recognized and...

Extraterrestrial Impact Stone

$4.99

Phone home, your mom is looking for you... Whoa!  Rocks made from meteors smashing into Earth!  The only thing cooler than that is having some.  We make it easy and fun with Tektite The Extraterrestrial Impact Stone! It's the perfect size...

Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins

$5.99

You're filthy, wipe your mouth! It's time to put your money where your mouth is with our Filthy Rich Cocktail Napkins! Refine your cocktail party experience with these high-quality, highfalutin napkins will keep you looking like a million bucks, even...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

Official World's Smallest Perplexus

$9.99

Easy to Play... Hard to Master! We can describe the World's Smallest Perplexus in one word. A-maze-ing. *badum tssh* Perplexus Original now comes in a miniature pocket-sized edition so you can keep playing on the go! This 3D maze has always been a fun...

My Safe Word Is Takeout Dish Towel

$10.99

Our My Safe Word Is Takeout Dish Towel addresses a serious(ly funny) issue. We know that, these days, Take-Out is still a taboo subject. But just because people aren't talking about it doesn't mean that they're not out there doing it. We're just saying...

I Have A Dark Side Socks

$10.99

Socks For Scaring People Listen.  Just because you wear a headband, cross your legs at the ankle and enjoy paper crafts doesn't mean you can't get down with your dark side.  You can and you should. Wanna keep it on the down low?  Well what...

Squirrel Underpants

$5.99

Underwear For Your Squirrel Are you sick and tired of squirrels running naked in the trees around your house? Have you had to hide your children's eyes when a tiny furry streaker crosses the sidewalk in front of you? We've got the answer...Squirrel...

Here Comes Cool Dad Men's Socks

$12.99

You're the cool dad! Our Blue Q Here Comes Cool Dad Men's Socks are for the guy who's 2 Legit, 2 Legit to Quit, his job because he's got bills to pay, mouths to feed, and a roof to put over those little son-of-a-guns heads! (but is not interested in...

I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum

$1.99

Emotionally exhausted from being dragged by the drama llama? Our I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum was made for you. You know what they say: the grass is always greener on the other side of the emotionally-dead fence! Ahhh. Wouldn't it...

This Meeting Is Bullsh*t Jumbo Pouch

$9.99

Our This Meeting is Bullsh*t Jumbo Pouch is the perfect way to tote all the bullshit papers that you have to print for your bullshit meeting. Adorned with colorful language and an awesome geometric design - which btw perfectly matches our This Meeting is...

Drumstick Pen Set

$8.99

I just want to bang on my desk all day! You know that person, maybe it's you... the fidgety pen tapper! They'll pick up just about anything and tap out an impromptu drum solo, like they're playing to a crowd of thousands - not a water cooler and the...

Rocket Science for Babies

$9.99

Launch your future Rocket Scientist! Written by an expert, Rocket Science for Babies is a colorfully simple introduction to aerospace engineering. Babies (and grownups!) will learn about the basics of how lift and thrust make things fly. With a...

Sunday Football Nothing Else Matters Men's Socks

$12.99

Men And Their Football Rituals Socks Sunday Funday?  So, yeah. NEWSFLASH: Unless that involves going to a game, watching a game, or smack talking about a game that's on hold until the end of the football season... and nothing else matters. Might as...

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