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Be Bold Or Italic Never Regular Zipper Pouch

$6.99

At first, this bag was going to say "Be Helvetica or Copperplate, Never Ever Papyrus."  But then we thought it might be a little too niche. Our cheeky Be Bold Or Italic Never Regular Zipper Pouch helps you keep your priorities in order.  Oh,...

Like Millions Of Years Old Ammonite Mollusc Fossil

$5.99 $5.27

Never mind the bollocks, but how about them mollusks!  Take our Like Millions Of Years Old Ammonite Mollusc Fossil for instance... this is one old cephalopod and we're not squidding!  It's like millions of years old. Excuse us while we nerd...

Pocket Science Pet Tornado

$7.99

Great gift for the storm chaser in your life! Messy office?  Great! So now when your snarky office mate asks if your desk was hit by a tornado, you can say in fact yes, and proudly introduce them to your Pet Tornado.   Give the jar a swirl or...

Narwhal Lip Gloss

$4.99

Tusk, tusk, tusk... It's true! Narwhal Lip Gloss really does exist! This pudgy little Unicorn of the Sea has swam all the way from the Arctic to help you make sure that your kisses are legendary! He's not just over-whale-mingly cute, he serves a...

Pineapple Brown Sugar Lip Shit

$6.99

Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good? Behold our Blue Q Pineapple Brown Sugar Lip Shit! Have you ever seen a cuter little kitty eating an ice cream cone on the top of a tin of high-quality, super-moisturizing lip balm? Us either!Our yumtastic...

Fudge-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

Oh, Fudge!  We feel like a kid in a candy shop! Our eye catching Fudge-Pop Lollipops are available in 6 different color/flavor combinations... How will we ever decide!? Strawberry/Chocolate (Pink & Brown) Vanilla/Chocolate (White & Brown)...

Giant Ice Cream Cone Lollipop

$5.99 $2.89

Psst... We've got the inside scoop Our Giant Dipped Ice Cream Cone is eye candy that's real candy! These gorgeous and colorful ice cream shaped lollipops that have been handmade and dipped in a flavored hard candy (crafted from a secret 75 year old...

Pickle Bandages

$5.49

Never underestimate the protective power of pickles! This pickle bandage prevents pickle brine from stinging your cuts, scrapes or other minor boo-boos! And if a Pickle Bandage isn't enough to dry up your tears, how about a FREE TOY! 15 ...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth Please Seriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Magnetite Lodestone Magnetic Rock

$3.99 $3.51

Naturally magnetic We're positive that budding geologists and rock enthusiasts alike will be instantly attracted to our Magnetite Lodestone! This rare mineral is naturally - you guessed it - magnetic.  Used in early navigation and thought to have...

Sh*tting Glitter Magical Unicorn Lavatory Mist

$11.99

You're not seeing things, our Shitting Glitter Magical Unicorn Lavatory Mist actually does exist! And this shit is magic! Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. But unicorns? They eat glitter. And, we don't think we need to tell you...

I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum

$1.99

Decorated with equally colorful language our I'm A Delicate F*cking Flower Gum is perfect for those frequent moments when you need to send a direct message to the person standing next to you (and you've also just consumed a lot of garlic.) For those days...

Classic Disguise Glasses

$4.49

When you're on a top-secret mission, you need something that will help you blend in to the crowd, something that will make you unrecognizable... our Classic Disguise Glasses will do the trick!   You'll get a whole new look with the black, furry...

Dinosaur Poop Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

You saur it here first! There's no bones about it, our Dinosaur Poop Lollipops are mammoth hit with dino lovers!  Melville Candy dinosaur poop lollipops are a fun unique sweet treat Hard candy green and blue swirl lollipops Coated with glittery...

I Have A Dark Side Socks

$10.99

Socks For Scaring People Listen.  Just because you wear a headband, cross your legs at the ankle and enjoy paper crafts doesn't mean you can't get down with your dark side.  You can and you should. Wanna keep it on the down low?  Well what...

Lustrous Gold Glux Putty

$6.99 $6.15

All that glitters is not gold... sometimes it's our enticing Lustrous Gold Glux Putty! Our resident alchemist has transformed plain ole putty into a rich beautiful shimmering gold. Bounce gold bars, make a golden melting arc, fake blow some Richie Rich...

Mister Rogers' Encouragements

$3.49

Won't you, please?  Please, won't you, please?  Please, have one or two Mister Rogers' Encouragemints!! Whether you're changing into your suit or your cardigan - whether you're coming home or going out into the neighborhood, you'll have more...

Beer Money Coin Purse

$4.99

Wait a minute!  Those three mice aren't blind!  They were just cold chilling wearing their RayBans while plotting to scamper off with your brewski! Whether you prefer dark beers, light beers, craft beers, your very own home brew or the cheapest...

Oops, I'm Drunk Oven Mitt

$12.99

Wine and Dine There is truth in wine and our Oops, I'm Drunk Oven Mitt is telling it like it is! Wanna join me? I promise, the food's gonna taste wayyyy better this way. And fun loving gift for your tipsy cook!  Screen-printed in rich colors, Grape...

Sorry In Advance Men's Socks

$12.99

Our Sorry In Advance Men's Socks are apologetically unapologetic. Basically, they're going to do want they want, regardless of what you say. Now, put that in your pipe and smoke it! A fun gift for your favorite bad boy! These creme colored socks feature...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum

$1.99

Emotionally exhausted from being dragged by the drama llama? Our I'm Not Emotionally Dead, But It Sounds Amazing Gum was made for you. You know what they say: the grass is always greener on the other side of the emotionally-dead fence! Ahhh. Wouldn't it...

Leech Bandages

$5.99

Dr. Leech will see you now! These Leech Bandages are awesome but there's probably a few people asking why put a leech on a bandage? Actual doctors are using leeches again. Isn’t it shocking that using leeches in medicine has come back in vogue?...

Middle Child Mints

$3.99

Cheaper than therapy, our Middle Child Mints are tangible proof that we didn't forget you in the penguin house at the Pittsburgh Zoo (true story- thanks dad!) We promise these are not just the mints left over when we made our other mints! These mints are...

Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode

$3.99

Phenomenal crystalline interior Our seemingly unremarkable Of Quartz It's A Whole Uncut Geode looks like a mild-mannered rock from the Daily Planet... however, secretly hiding inside is an amazing cavern of crystals! Pretty much the embodiment of the...

Who Let The Logs Out Lavatory Mist

$11.99

Who? Who? Who? Seriously though, WHO is responsible for our Who Let The Logs Out Lavatory Mist? Baha Men, we're looking at you. Scented with citrus and mint, and a hint of green moss, you can almost forget that it's sole purpose in life is to shield your...

Busy Making A F*cking Difference Men's Socks

$12.99

Our hard-working Busy Making A Fucking Difference Men's Socks are a powerful fashion statement for guys from all walks of life. A reminder for yourself and fortunate onlookers of just how great an impact you have on this world. Wear them ironically as...

Craft Beer Lollipop

$4.99

Revolutionize the way you party down with our Craft Beer Lollipops that are shaped like craft beer bottles and available in three crafted flavors. What better flavors of custom beer than pale ale, classic lager and chocolate stout for these hand-poured...

Happy Gum For Your Crappy Life

$1.99

Happy fact #34. It's a proven fact that a happy person is probably in denial of something. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, your life will seem less crappy... at least while you're chewing this gum! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1...

Cotton Candy Scented Unicorn Air Freshener

$4.99 $4.39

Instantly make your commute magical with our Cotton Candy Scented Unicorn Air Freshener! Before your very own eyes, your car will turn into a mobile fantasy land populated with unicorns! A sweet treat for your eyes as well as your nose! For just like a...

Natural Born Assh*le Men's Socks

$12.99

Socks For Most Men If he talks like an asshole and looks like an asshole, chances are he is an asshole... and needs our Natural Born Asshole Men's Socks. Now, you may be thinking... why would I get a gift for that asshole? Well, not THAT asshole, but...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Giant Music Snob Men's Socks

$12.99

Our Giant Music Snob Men's Socks seem to scream "If it's on the charts, I'm not interested. Unless it's Beyonce. That woman is ON FIRE." We love music! We love listening to music, we love talking about music, we love experiencing live music, and while we...

Butthead Of The Household Men's Socks

$12.99

See what we did there? Our bold Butthead of the Household Men's Crew Socks are the perfect socks for the proud self-proclaimed home decision-maker. The head of the house can be defined in many ways like, the holder of the remote, dinner decider or...

Flash + Fly Helicopter

$2.99

A great toys for kids and husbands! Because there is nothing more entertaining than shooting flashing things into the air and watching them come back down. Seriously. What could be better? Turn on our Fly and Flash Helicopter and sling shot it into the...

Rubber Chicken Air Freshener

$4.99 $4.39

Highest rated air freshener by killer clowns! Your car has been smelling funny lately, but our Rubber Chicken Air Freshener by Archie McPhee will make it smell downright hilarious! Lucky for you (and for your unsuspecting passengers) this particular...

Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

Get Along With Your Co-Workers Gum

$1.99

Your Job Doesn't Suck, Just Your Co-Workers The reality in the majority of people's lives is that they have to get a job to survive. Unfortunately you get stuck working alongside people you might not otherwise frequent in the free world! To make your...

XOXO Lipstick Pen

$1.99

Signed with a kiss! Our fun and fashionable XOXO Lipstick Pen is just the right shade of you.  Quirky with a dash of kick @ss. This clever pen is cleverly shaped as a tube of lipstick and is hiding the writing implement beneath the classic red...

I'm Willing to Risk the Cooties If You Are Plaque

$8.99 $7.91

Our cheeky I'm Willing to Risk the Cooties If You Are Plaque puts the ewww in I love you, and is about to take your flirting skills to an entirely new level. That's the sign of true love...  throwing caution to the wind and willingly swapping...

This Meeting Is Bullsh*t Jumbo Pouch

$9.99

Our This Meeting is Bullsh*t Jumbo Pouch is the perfect way to tote all the bullshit papers that you have to print for your bullshit meeting. Adorned with colorful language and an awesome geometric design - which btw perfectly matches our This Meeting is...

Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.59

Not Gonna Melt! Our fascinating Astronaut Neapolitan Ice Cream Sandwich is a tasty snack that anyone can enjoy, whether you’re out exploring the galaxy or hanging back here on Earth! Frozen in time, yet not frozen in temperature, it takes the ice...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

I Talk To My Dog Like It's A Wittle Baby Gum

$1.99

You got a problem with that? I'm not embarrassed,  I Talk To My Dog Like It's A Wittle Baby For Some Weason... My fur baby, my soulmate, the love of my life! You're sho shmarth Whath did you do thoday? Ready for beddy bye? Did you mishsh...

Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99 $3.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

You're Beautiful Don't Change Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our delightful You're Beautiful Don't Change Oven Mitt is great for serving up tasty dishes and good vibes! You're beautiful just like the afternoon sky, a branch of flowers, or a friendly little bird. Actually, no. I take that back. Those things are...

I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For Guys With Built In GPS Our refreshingly crass I Don't Need Directions, I Have A Penis Gum isn't afraid to tell it like it is. Stop the car! I'm getting out... a piece of gum to cut this tension with some much needed laughter. Fragile...

Beer Bottle Opener Ring

$5.99 $3.99

Unbeerlievably Handy! Stop searching through drawers, put down that lighter, and for Pete's sake get that bottle away from your back teeth! Now you'll never be left without the ability to open a tasty micro brew or specialty beer when you have our...

Crystal Growing Volcano

$6.99

A fractal eruption! Exploding soon on a desk near you... a fractal eruption from our Crystal Growing Volcano! All of the beauty of an erupting volcano, with none of the hot ash or running for your life! Our kit includes a paper volcano form, a tray,...

Desktop Edition Golf

$12.99

Fore... Dad! Our Desktop Edition Golf Game is here to break up the afternoon slump with a fun desktop golf game. It's a sporty conversation starter that can give life to a stale meeting or a great way to close a boring business deal from your desk...

Marshmallow S'More Lip Gloss

$4.99

You'll love it a lil bit s'more every day. An ideal gift for the happy camper, our Marshmallow S'More Lip Gloss is a fun mashup of nostalgia and kawaii for your lips! Camping. Maybe you do it for the crackling warmth of a radiant campfire. Good times...

My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt is grape for cooking drinking up a storm! Dinner, shminner. Lettuce just skip right to the good stuff! We're convinced... future generations will have figured out a way to grow bottles of wine - glass, cork...

The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap

$3.49

Bob Ross Wet-on-Wet Technique Reach for The Joy of Bathing with Bob Ross Soap whenever you’re feeling a little Prussian Blue!   Make some happy little clouds of foam! This vegetable soap is made with glycerin, shea butter, and cocoa...

Super Duper Scooper Giant Ice Cream Cone Snow Tube Sled

$24.99 $21.99

Snow Queen meets Dairy Queen I scream, you scream, we all scream while hanging on for dear life to our humongous Super Duper Scooper Giant Ice Cream Cone Snow Tube Sled! For the snow bunny with a sweet tooth... if a foot of fresh snow reminds you of...

Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.99

Out Of This World! Our Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich takes the ice cream you know and love, and with the power of freeze-drying to create a yummy retro treat! Since the early NASA Mercury Missions, space food has gone global! Today, Astronaut...

Evidence Tote

$6.99

WARNING: Do not tamper with the contents of our zippered Evidence Tote! This is not a toy in any circumstance unless you're playing beat up the person stealing the evidence. There's even a seal that says OFFICIAL PROPERTY DO NOT OPEN. So were pretty...

You Wanna Pizza Me? XL Frozen Pizza Snow Tube Sled

$24.99 $21.99

You've been eyeing that hill all year... just waiting for that the magical snowy moment when you can break out our supremely awesome You Wanna Pizza Me? XL Frozen Pizza Deluxe Snow Tube! Imagine how piping hot you'll look taking your personal pizza for a...

Cone Kitty Air Freshener

$4.99 $4.39

It's for your own good, Whisker, I promise. This pathetically miserable kitty in a cone will make your commute more bearable. This poor suffering kitteh will fill your automobile with Pot-PURR-i scent and laughs.   Hang it from your rearview mirror...

F*ck It Gum

$1.99

Pardon Our Fucking French What's my new personal motto you ask? F*CK IT! Pardon my French. With 8 pieces of this delicious fruit flavored gum, you'll get your point across quickly! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches tall.

Video Game Men's Socks

$12.99

Remember when you had to blow into the game cartridge every time you wanted to play Mario Brothers?  We do.  Wanna know what doesn't blow?  Our Video Game Men's Socks! So shove that to-do list in the couch and let your intentions be known...

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