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Lip Shit Orange Mango Lip Balm

$6.99

You'll soon sea that discovering our Lip Shit Orange Mango Lip Balm is nearly as exciting as stumbling across a new mermaid + seahorse pal! We have never really understood the whole strapless bathing suit thing, but this merlady is really rocking the...

My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt

$12.99

Our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Oven Mitt is grape for cooking drinking up a storm! Dinner, shminner. Lettuce just skip right to the good stuff! We're convinced... future generations will have figured out a way to grow bottles of wine - glass, cork...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Vladimir Pootin Lavatory Mist

$11.99

Russion Collusion To Cover Up For Your Poop No matter how strenuous the investigation is against you taking a poop in public, with our Vladimir Pootin Lavatory Mist your sh*t will come out smelling like flowers - jasmine to be exact! Why? Because a...

Inflatable Marina Mermaid Tail Sprinkler

$24.99 $21.15

Mer-make fin-tastic summer memories! Our flipping awesome Inflatable Marina Mermaid Tail Sprinkler has earned our o-fishal seal of approval! It's guaranteed to make a big splash with the bubbliest of kiddos as they fall in love head over tails with this...

Pooping At Work Hand Sanitizer

$5.99

So one minute you're looking your colleagues in the eye, working on work stuff.  The next minute you're seperated by mere inches of a bathroom stall with your pants down.  Down!Is the hand dryer at the office just recycling all those fart germs...

Tin Foil Hat

$9.49 $7.95

As any "woke" person knows, a Tin Foil Hat is a necessity of modern life.  However, one of the most irritating parts of being under constant, long-distance electronic thought observations is having to make a new tin foil hat every day! Fear not!...

Queen Of Bitch Mountain Socks

$10.99

Chances are... you know the perfect recipient of our Queen Of Bitch Mountain Socks! Because you're either the Queen or you're a member of the court. You decide. So whether you bestow this gift upon yourself, or present it to your favorite devilish vixen,...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...

Trump's Small Hand Soap

$3.49

For dirty politics Would you believe that our Trump's Small Hand Soap was made in Russia?  How about that it can remove stains and marks on your cabinet?  We heard a rumor that this is the preferred soap for Rachel Maddow and Don Lemon - that...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go GettersYou are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

Hormonal And Lovin' It Gum

$1.99

Do you ever start your period and think... "Well, that explains a lot!"?  Then this gum is for you! Our ultra cheeky Hormonal And Loving It Gum is a fun (and safe) way to poke fun at the roller coaster of mood swings that women are blessed with!...

I Bought My Wife Expensive Jewelry + All I Got Was This Mug

$11.99 $10.05

A Reminder Of How Much She Loves Me And Jewelry Our I Bought My Wife Expensive Jewelry + All I Got Was This Mug is a real gem of a coffee cup! Sassy yet classy, it's just our cup of tea, indeed! This large cheeky mug is covered in fun diamond...

Swing Your Thing Men's Golf Socks

$12.99

These Are Not About A Penis Golfing Socks​You know when they say the grass is always greener?  Well this is the other side they're talking about! Our Swing Your Thing Golf Men's Socks are a hole-in-one! Okay, that was too easy. Look, we know very...

Motherf*cking Sweet Guy Men's Socks

$12.99

If you know someone deserving of our Motherf*cking Sweet Guy Men's Socks, count yourself mother f*cking lucky! So often it's the tough guys who end up being the real softies. Likewise, these socks at first glance have a hard exterior, but surprisingly...

Cute But Psycho. But Cute. Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum For The UnpredictableSometimes, just sometimes... being perpetually cute comes with a price and our Cute But Psycho But Cute Gum pretty much sums it up perfectly, in the cutest way possibly of course. A fun cautionary gift for when it's...

Cute Little F*ckers Woodland Creature Dish Towel

$10.99

I Love Cooking For Those Cute Little Fuckers! Our Cute Little F*ckers Woodland Creature Dish Towel is like the center of a Venn diagram, in which the big circles are Norman Rockwell and Kinda Fucked Up. It's where your idyllic childhood and adulthood...

Lil' Pink Flamingo Kiddie Pool Float

$14.99 $12.65

Our Big Mouth Lil' Pink Flamingo Kiddie Pool Float was designed for the cutest ‘mingo in the flock! Why fit in when you were born to stand out! We assume your little one follows in your footsteps—big personality with an appetite for laughs...

Pizza Scented Candle

$11.99

The smell of baking dough, mozzarella cheese and pepperoni is such a mouthwatering smell!    Let our Stinky Pizza Candle take you back to your teenage days when pizza was a major food group!   Your place will smell like Papa Dominos is...

Sh*tting Glitter Magical Unicorn Lavatory Mist

$11.99

You're not seeing things, our Shitting Glitter Magical Unicorn Lavatory Mist actually does exist! And this shit is magic! Mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. But unicorns? They eat glitter. And, we don't think we need to tell you...

Bravery Bandages

$5.99 $5.49

Our hilarious, yet distinguished, Bravery Bandages celebrate the nearly forgotten art of resiliency! Everyone recognizes bravery when it’s risking your life to save someone or facing impossible odds, but some bravery is on a much smaller scale...