Candy

Looking for some tasty treats to stuff your face with?  Check out our collection of candy, chocolate, popcorn, and more aimed to satisfy nearly every sugary sweet, or sinfully salty craving under the sun!  You'll find super yummy gift ideas too if you're willing to part with them!

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National Embarrassmints

$2.99 $2.69

Trump your bad breath with a mint! Our Donald Trump National Embarrassmints are pretty darn puny don't ya think?  We hope these mints don't offend you!  We had some Hillary ones too, but they were just picked up by black van full of indictments...

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Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum

$1.99

Dance like everyone is watching! Our deliciously cheeky Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum is a fun little gift punctuated with minty flavor and biting humor! Behold a cool and minty present with a message that is sure to strike a chord with your...

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You Are Better Than The Best Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Gum That's Great For Narcissistic Bosses Because They're The BesssssstYou're the best around!  Nothing's gonna ever keep you down! No really, you are.  No, YOU are.  Okay, let's just agree to disagree. What we can agree on is...

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British Accent Breath Spray

$5.99

Exceptionally Polite Breath Thanks to our amazing Instant British Accent Breath Spray, having a British accent is as easy as making a cup of tea!  You'll instantly sound richer, smarter and even look more attractive!   This snap-acting formula...

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Galaxy Lollipop

$4.99

A lollipop light years ahead of its time Our spectacular handmade Galaxy Lollipops are flat out the sweetest gift this side of the Milky Way. Hand-poured and swirled purple + black circular lollipop Embedded with glitter and adorned with silver star...

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Mexican Chocolate Sugar

$11.99

We have the Aztecs to thank for this one! Our Mexican Chocolate Sugar is about to turn your kitchen into a fiesta, and your coffee into a masterpiece! This amazing concoction consists of: Organic Brazilian Cane Sugar, Orange Cacao, Chili, Cinnamon,...

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Blood Sucker Lollipop

$3.99

It's Bloody Good Candy! We're O (so) positive that you'll be totally grossed out yet equally intrigued by our sickening sweet Blood Sucker Lollipop, that we're willing to bet the blood bank on it! With their "Unusual Tastes" Harry Potter fans will...

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I Hope Eye Rolling Counts As Cardio Gum

$1.99

Our hilarious I Hope Eye-Rolling Counts as Cardio Gum, is the perfect gift for the well intentioned gym dodger in your life!   Not everyone has time for Prancercising, Sweating to the Oldies, or taking it to the treadmill! Whether you're too busy...

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Sigmund Freud Candy Book

$5.99

Tell Us More About Your Mother's CandySo... do you think your mom would like this candy?  Instead of containing the world-changing insights and observations of Sigmund Freud, our tiny Sigmund Freud Candy Book is full of banana-flavored candy...

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Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum

$1.99

Cleverly attack over-sharing Our Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum is the best way to break it to your overactive, overachieving friends that you've heard enough. In this day and age of social networking, over-sharing is a common occurrence...

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Best Buds Mint Gum

$1.99

Guaranteed Good Shit To Share With A Cannabis Loving Buddy The rumors are true... our gum has gone to pot! Our Best Buds Gum has been made with a very special, mind-altering ingredient. It's called LOVE. A friend with weed is a friend indeed! A friend...

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Unicorn Sparkle Poop Lollipop

$4.99

Unicorns - their poop don't stink Don't go poo poo-ing the idea of our gifting our Unicorn Sparkle Poop Lollipop! Unicorn poop lovers will enjoy eating this poo emoji shaped gourmet candy! Pink & blue swirl Fruit punch flavored hard candy...

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Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

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My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum

$1.99

Whatever, Karen. Our snarky My Sweatpants Think You're Pathetic Gum is the perfectly absurd rebuttal for when you're too deep into your own (Netflix) marathon training and simply too chill to care.  If you're like us, you're exhausted from sight of...

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Coffee Makes Me Poop Gum

$1.99

Be sure to over share. A cup of coffee and a roll of toilet paper... a perfectly fine way to start the day! Popping a piece of our invigorating Coffee Makes Me Poop Gum is like brewing up a pot of relief!  You may not be irregular around here, so...

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My Favorite Salad Is Wine Gum

$1.99

Candy Coated Fruit Flavored Awesomeness That Won't Get You Drunk You say tomato, we say wine.  With our My Favorite Salad Is Wine Gum you can just lay it all out on the lunch table.  Because, we don't carrot all what you think, unless you agree...

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Bag of Unicorn Toots

$8.99

Our magical Bag of Unicorn Toots has just arrived from The Enchanted Land of Unicorntopia via a rainbow slide from the sky! Perhaps you have not heard of this delicacy? Unicorn Toots Cotton Candy Puffs come from the happiest city in the sky. The magical,...

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Hot Steve Salts

$7.99

A seriously spicy chile salt As the name suggests our Hot Steve Salts is a seriously spicy chile salt! It's great for margaritas and Bloody Marys, soups and chili, Mexican fare, or anything else when you want to spice things up! It's delicious on popcorn...

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Legendary Unicorn Mints

$3.99 $3.59

Our frolicking awesome Legendary Unicorn Mints are an example of all that is right with the world. Or at least the fantasy world inside of your head!   Chances are, if you love unicorns as much as we do (which may just be impossible) simply...

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Squirrel in Underpants Mints

$3.99 $3.69

Fresh this Fall our Squirrel in Underpants Mints will inspire you to cloth all of the tiny streakers in your neighborhood! If only you could afford to buy enough undies for all of the adorable mini gymnastic bird feeder raiders in your hood... While they...

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Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich

$3.59

Out Of This World! Our Astronaut Vanilla Ice Cream Sandwich takes the ice cream you know and love, and with the power of freeze-drying to create a yummy retro treat! Since the early NASA Mercury Missions, space food has gone global! Today, Astronaut...

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Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipop

$6.99

You'd better ball-lieve it, sweetness! Our bright and colorful Super-Size Ball Swirl Lollipops are only for the truly dedicated sweet tooth. At its size it's probably going to take you more than one sitting! Impressive 2 inches in diameter = long...

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Cotton Candy Snow Balls

$3.49

Edible snowballs, y'all! Our freshly packed Fluffy Stuff Cotton Candy Snow Balls are the perfect cold weather, lip smackin' snack!       Ever snow often, you come across the perfect stocking stuffer, and let's just say, these cotton...

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Barf Lollipop

$3.99

Like, Gag Me With A Lollipop The ultimate gag gift... our Barf Lollipop is a deliciously fun way to share your utter disgust at a situation or person, or to just gross out the person you're closest with... just because you can. To up the puke factor this...

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Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

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Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop

$4.99

What's blue and green and sparkly all over? Our Narwhal Sneeze Lollipop by Melville Candy! This particular pop was embedded with glittery ocean blue and phlegm green sanding sugar then hand-poured on to a wooden popsicle stick. To add another layer...

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Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea

$14.99

Okay, so you really need to work on your life at the moment... Our Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea can help. What's that? You need a recap? You went out with co-workers last night and performed karaoke in front of your boss. You may or may not have...

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Sugar Bear Lollipop

$3.99

Oh, I'm a Sugar BearYeah, I'm a Sugar Bear Our handmade, happy-go-lucky Sugar Bear Lollipops are hard candy doppelgangers of the original gummy bears! They're it on a stick!  Available in a rainbow of colors and flavors! Red (cherry) Orange...

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You're My Cupcake Wallet

$10.99 $9.89

Our sugary sweet You're My Cupcake Wallet is hoping and dreaming to be the icing on top of your day! Whether you happen to be experiencing an unusually lucky cake walk of a week, or if you're having a no good, awful, slightly rotten week that is...

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Snowman Poop Jellybeans

$3.99 $3.59

If you know someone who's been naughty, here's the scoop - all they'll get is snowman poop!   Our Snowman Poop Jellybeans are the perfect stocking stuffer for friends and family! Being bad never tasted so good! Snowman tin holds 1.3 oz of fruity...

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Dill Pickle Mints

$3.99 $3.69

Pickles have been popular for hundreds of years try some of our delicious Dill Pickle Mints and you might get popular too!  We're just saying it couldn't hurt! Did we mention this is way more transportable than a pickle jar, no briny mess! Each Dill...

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Glitter Swirl Slime Lollipop

$3.99

You've been slimed! Our colorful Glitter Swirl Slime Lollipop is delicious, sparkly, gross out fun candy treat! Whether your love of slime originated with You Can't Do That On Television or Ghostbusters, we don't know (gah! we've been slimed!) But what...

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Get Your A** In Bed Snarky Tea

$12.99 $11.89

We can help you relax and unplug! It’s 11:45 p.m. and you’ve found yourself in a social media rabbit hole.  You’re now 46 weeks into a stranger’s past looking for any sign of your ex-boyfriend. You know you’re in...

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Ice Cream Tote Bag

$20.99 $19.19

Beach, you've just got (soft) served! By our adorable SunnyLife Ice Cream Tote Bag that is! This fun loving bag will melt the iciest of frozen popsicle-like hearts. Simple, yet stylish this shoulder bag features a perfect swirl ice cream cone on the...

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Candy Taco

$7.99

Taco bout a clever candy! Our Candy Taco is just the sugary sustenance a taco lover with a sweet tooth needs on the go! Move over Choco-Taco, there's a sweeter less meltier version in town! (but don't go too far, we do love you! we just need a break)...

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Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

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Coal Candy Canes

$5.99

Christmas Coal Stocking Stuffer Ho-ho-oh-no! It's our Coal Candy Cane Holiday treats for the naughty! Feast your eyes on this 6-pack of Coal Candy Canes! Black-As-Your-Soul Black with Your-Ass-Is-Ash Gray stripes Tastes like coal (if coal tastes like...

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Gummy Hot Dog

$7.99 $7.19

Wiener, wiener, gummy dinner! Quite frankly, our Hot Dog Gummy should probably not be eaten for dinner... but it's a fun treat that may last the whole ballgame! Made of 20 of fruit flavored gummy candies, it features sweet buns & gummy toppings!...

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Trump Impeachmints

$2.99 $2.69

Without any evidence, this is the best the left can do! Our totally offensive Trump Impeachmints are for bad hombres with bad breath, and worse vocabulary. Do you bad-mouth people? Drop one of these peach flavored mints on your tongue and you'll make...

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Classic Superman Mints

$2.99 $2.69

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... our Classic Superman Mints are so strong!  It's like Kryptonite to your ole buddy Hal-itosis. Although the classic image of Superman is...

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Middle Child Mints

$3.99 $3.59

Cheaper than therapy, our Middle Child Mints are tangible proof that we didn't forget you in the penguin house at the Pittsburgh Zoo (true story- thanks dad!) We promise these are not just the mints left over when we made our other mints! These mints are...

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Body Part Lollipop

$2.49

Our super creepy Body Part Halloween Lollipop are the pefect aaddition to any zombie buffet! With Human Hearts, Witch Fingers, Eyeballs and Brains they're the perfect trick AND treat for Halloween!  Bloodshot Eyeball- Cotton Candy Flavored...

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Cat Astronaut Mints

$3.99 $3.69

Ground Control to Major Tomcat Take your Cat Astronaut Mints and put your helmet on. When Cat Astronaut has its head in that glass helmet, bad breath is the enemy.  Which is why he purrfurs to use Cat Astronaut Mints before and during all of...

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Classic Batman Mints

$2.99

Na-Na Na-Na Na-Na Na Na... No way!  Not with that stinky breath!  Holy Halitosis Batman! Fishy penguin breath got you down?  Have no fear!  Our Classic Batman Mints have arrived to battle the evil lurking in your mouth!  Because,...

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Calm The F**k Down Tea Snarky Tea

$14.99 $13.69

Adulting is hard.    Like, really hard.     Our Calm The F*ck Down Snarky Tea can help. You’re late for work and there’s crazy traffic. There’s mascara in your eye, concealer on your white pants and to top it off, it...

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Gummy Candy Burger

$7.99

A whopper of a Gummy! Made of 22 delicious candies, The Original Gummy Candy Burger is a concept that is well-done! Complete with see-thru cardboard burger box, it's the king of all gummies! 6 sweet candy top bun slices 6 candy cheese n sauce gummy...

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Mansplaining Mints

$4.69 $4.19

Ladies, when it comes to our Mansplaining Mints, something tells us we don't have to tell you what these are for. But, humor us, if you will... The next time some random dude starts explaining something to you in a condescending tone, just offer him one...

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Elf On The Shelf Hanging Candy Tin

$3.59 $3.29

This little elf has a cheeky grin outside and sweet vanilla snowflake candies inside! The attached cord lets you display The Elf on the Shelf as an ornament or as a clever present topper!    Based on the 2005 children's book, The Elf on the...

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