Candy

Looking for some tasty treats to stuff your face with?  Check out our collection of candy, chocolate, popcorn, and more aimed to satisfy nearly every sugary sweet, or sinfully salty craving under the sun!  You'll find super yummy gift ideas too if you're willing to part with them!

You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

$1.99

For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard   Our vintage styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun an unexpected gift you can slip to any prick you may happen upon during your day.   Can't think of anyone deserving of...

Calm The F**k Down Tea Snarky Tea

$14.99

Adulting is hard.    Like, really hard.     Our Calm The F*ck Down Snarky Tea can help. You’re late for work and there’s crazy traffic. There’s mascara in your eye, concealer on your white pants and to top it off, it...

Cream-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

They're the cream of the crop! A dream-cicle come true, our Cream-Pop Lollipops are designed to look like classic ice-cream pops! They come on a thick wooden pop-sicle stick in six different exciting color and flavor combinations! Strawberry/Vanilla...

Shut The Hell Up Gum

$1.99

Shut Your Mouth PleaseSeriously. How about a nice big pack of SHUT THE HELL UP! 8 Cinnamon pieces to chew all at once unless you've got more than one person in your life you wish would stop their yakkin'! Pack measures 2.75 inches long x 1.25 inches...

Gummy Candy Burger

$7.99

A whopper of a Gummy! Made of 22 delicious candies, The Original Gummy Candy Burger is a concept that is well-done! Complete with see-thru cardboard burger box, it's the king of all gummies! 6 sweet candy top bun slices 6 candy cheese n sauce gummy...

Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops

$4.99

Raising the Bar on Nostalgic Candy Got a bad mouth with a sweet tooth? Then our naughty but nice Wash Your Dirty Mouth Out Candy Soap Lollipops will sweeten that deliciously vulgar pie hole of yours. A throwback to the good ole days when having your...

Body Part Lollipop

$2.49

Our super creepy Body Part Halloween Lollipop are the pefect aaddition to any zombie buffet! With Human Hearts, Witch Fingers, Eyeballs and Brains they're the perfect trick AND treat for Halloween!  Bloodshot Eyeball- Cotton Candy Flavored...

CBD Gummy Bears

$24.99

Oh, I'm a CBD Gummy Bear.... a CBD Gummy Bear.  I'm a yummy, edible, social anxiety reducing gummy bear! What a long strange trip it's been getting CBD Gummy Bears to the market, but we're so Grateful they've finally made it! Now that they're...

I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum

$1.99

Feeling all philo-sloth-ical and stuff Good times are a plenty with our I'm So High. It's Awesome. Sloth Gum.  Embrace the lazy but amazy attitude of everyone's favorite slow roller. Word on the street is that you're looking to score some peppermint...

Sour-Pop Lollipops

$3.99

Pucker up buttercup! Our bright and colorful Sour-Pop Lollipops are handmade in the USA and available in 3 tempting flavors and color combinations: Sour Watermelon (pink & green) Sour Wildberry (purple & blue) Sour Pink Lemonade (yellow...

Lunch Money Coin Purse

$3.99

Milk Money Stash BagOur kitschy Lunch Money Coin Purse is small enough to fit in your pocket, or your smallest clutch. But, it's also big enough to hold your license, credit card, and milk money!   With the adorable milk carton, apple, banana, and...

Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum

$1.99

Cleverly attack over-sharing Our Unless You Fell Off The Treadmill Gum is the best way to break it to your overactive, overachieving friends that you've heard enough. In this day and age of social networking, over-sharing is a common occurrence...

Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum

$1.99

Introducing, our Always Be Yourself Unless You Can Be A Unicorn Gum. Since you were a child, everyone's always told you to always be yourself.  This is great advice and should always be worn on your sleeve... unless you can be a unicorn. Be sure to...

Cupcake Gumballs

$4.99 $2.00

Our Cupcake Gumballs are mighty tasty on their own, but for a true sugar fix try adding some into the batter of your next batch of cupcakes to make Double Frosting Gumball Cupcakes!  Each  tin contains about twenty-two vanilla flavored...

I Have PMS & GPS Gum

$1.99

This Bitch Will Find You Gum Take next right.  IN YOUR FACE!   That's right sunshine.  You're barking up the wrong tree and at the wrong time of the month.  We guarantee that you will not want to be on the receiving end of our I...

Rainbow Puke Lollipop

$4.99

Time to throw on your galoshes! Our Rainbow Puke Lollipop is so fantastic it has the entire Perpetual Kid staff literally puking rainbows! This lovable abomination of nature looks like a rainbow threw up all over our unsuspecting lollipop, and...

Red Haute Sticky Fingers Nail Files

$2.99

Don't leave the with house without packing some faux-cinnamony sweet heat with our pack of Red Haute Sticky Fingers Nail Files!  They're are a must for your portable beauty arsenal.  Because you never know when you may come dangerously close to...

Legendary Unicorn Mints

$3.99 $2.00

Our frolicking awesome Legendary Unicorn Mints are an example of all that is right with the world. Or at least the fantasy world inside of your head!   Chances are, if you love unicorns as much as we do (which may just be impossible) simply...

Who's Awesome? You're Awesome! Gum

$1.99

Great Pick Me Up Candy For Go GettersYou are awesome!  But, if you don't believe it when we say it, maybe a Beagle puppy will convince you??  If not, at least you'll have re-upped your gum supply! Our adorkable Who's Awesome? You're Awesome!...

Step Aside Coffee Gum

$1.99

Coffee... We love you.  You're so cute sometimes!  Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! We have a lot of experience... We've been at this for a long time. And we know what we need to succeed. Booze, and lots of it.  But only...

National Embarrassmints

$2.99

Trump your bad breath with a mint! Our Donald Trump National Embarrassmints are pretty darn puny don't ya think?  We hope these mints don't offend you!  We had some Hillary ones too, but they were just picked up by black van full of...

At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum

$1.99

Super Cheeky Ass-piring Candy Our super cheeky At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum is totally relatable for those of us who are in a committed long-term relationship with our surrogate beds. Listen, when a couch hands you a compliment,...

F*ck Me Like The Government Gum

$1.99

Most Prefer A Pretty Lie And This Gum Is An Uncomfortable Truth Unlike a scalding hot cup of covfefe our Fuck Me Like The Government Gum will leave a good taste in your mouth. A deliciously fun political gift for anyone who distrusts the government...

I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum

$1.99

Uh, oh! They've found us out! Our I'm Not Sarcastic, I'm Just Mean Gum is dropping truth bombs by way of delicious chicklet-sized mint gum! A fun item to have for those moments when you don't have time for humility. If they didn't get the message at...

Fresh + Fruity Scented Neon Gel Crayon Highlighters

$9.99

Drop what you're doing! There’s no need to settle for a boring highlighter when you can reach for something fresh!  Our phenomenal Fresh + Fruity Scented Neon Gel Crayon Highlighters set is everything you need and want when making...

Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea

$14.99

Okay, so you really need to work on your life at the moment... Our Get Your Sh*t Together Snarky Tea can help. What's that? You need a recap? You went out with co-workers last night and performed karaoke in front of your boss. You may or may not have...

CBD Gummy Blueberry Rings

$24.99

CBD edibles shaped as tiny life savers - coincidence? We think naut! Our CBD Gummy Blueberry Rings are here to come to the rescue! These tasty little hemp oil candies pack a substantial punch with 25mg of CBD per piece. Don't know what CBD is? Allow us...

You're My Cupcake Wallet

$10.99 $5.00

Our sugary sweet You're My Cupcake Wallet is hoping and dreaming to be the icing on top of your day! Whether you happen to be experiencing an unusually lucky cake walk of a week, or if you're having a no good, awful, slightly rotten week that is...

CBD Gummy Worms

$24.99

CBD is legal in all 50 states, y'all! Why settle for vaping or salves when our CBD Gummy Worms are just like the ones you remember from your childhood! These squirmy little wormies taste, look, smell, and feel the same. The only difference is that they...

It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum

$1.99

Our thought provoking, It's Not Really Drinking Alone If The Cat Is Home Gum really gave us something to chew on! Meow, we've always really admired one's ability to argue a point. Those crazy cat ladies are really onto something! This gum is the purrfect...

Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

$1.99

Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now. Seriously, do not mess with me today. I'm not putting a dollar in the swear jar either. This is the...

CBD Gummy Apple Rings

$24.99

An apple a day keeps the stress away! *If that apple is a CBD edible that is!* Don’t be fooled by their innocent appearance! Our potent CBD Gummy Apple Rings may ring of nostalgia, but these candies contain approximately 25mg of CBD per...

Gummy Hot Dog

$7.99 $4.00

Wiener, wiener, gummy dinner! Quite frankly, our Hot Dog Gummy should probably not be eaten for dinner... but it's a fun treat that may last the whole ballgame! Made of 20 of fruit flavored gummy candies, it features sweet buns & gummy toppings!...

Middle Child Mints

$3.99 $2.00

Cheaper than therapy, our Middle Child Mints are tangible proof that we didn't forget you in the penguin house at the Pittsburgh Zoo (true story- thanks dad!) We promise these are not just the mints left over when we made our other mints! These mints are...

Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum

$1.99

Dance like everyone is watching! Our deliciously cheeky Procrastinate Like There Is A Tomorrow Gum is a fun little gift punctuated with minty flavor and biting humor! Behold a cool and minty present with a message that is sure to strike a chord with your...

I Hope Eye Rolling Counts As Cardio Gum

$1.99

Our hilarious I Hope Eye-Rolling Counts as Cardio Gum, is the perfect gift for the well intentioned gym dodger in your life!   Not everyone has time for Prancercising, Sweating to the Oldies, or taking it to the treadmill! Whether you're too busy...

Rare Pickle Rick Gummy Candy

$6.99

I'M A PICKLE! I'm pickle Riiiiiick! Rick's in quite the pickle! Our Pickle Rick Gummy Candy has confirmed that Rick has gone and Boom! Big Reveal! turned himself into a gummy version of his Pickle Rick self! Disturbingly accurate Pickle...

I Should Be A Better Person Gum

$1.99

You Know Who You Are!Our straight shooting and unapologetic, I Should Be A Better Person But I'm Not, gum says it all.   Sure, you may be able to give great advice from all of the life lessons you learned, and self help books you've read. But apply...

My Goal Is To Lose Ten Pounds, Fifteen More To Go Gum

$1.99

Candy Mint Flavor To Inspire Us All To Smell The RosesSouth Beach Diet, Atkins, Shakeology... in all honesty we're most comfortable sticking with a strict see-food diet, donut you know? Losing weight is an uphill battle and our My Goal Is To Lose Ten...

Namaste Motherf**ker Snarky Tea

$14.99

The choice of a new generation of yogis. Our Namaste Mother F**ker Snarky Tea is quenching the inner thirst of the new wave of snarky yoga practitioners. That's right. There's a new set of yogis in town, and we’re here for the elastic waistbands,...

Mexican Chocolate Sugar

$11.99

We have the Aztecs to thank for this one! Our Mexican Chocolate Sugar is about to turn your kitchen into a fiesta, and your coffee into a masterpiece! This amazing concoction consists of: Organic Brazilian Cane Sugar, Orange Cacao, Chili, Cinnamon,...

Barf Lollipop

$3.99

Like, Gag Me With A Lollipop The ultimate gag gift... our Barf Lollipop is a deliciously fun way to share your utter disgust at a situation or person, or to just gross out the person you're closest with... just because you can. To up the puke factor this...

Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray

$4.98

Introducing our Feel Incredibly High Instantly Breath Spray... Liquid Marijuana*.  Your very own Buzz in a Bottle! Catch the perfect buzz without catching the heat!  Get high at work, in class, even at the pool! So discreet you can use it...

Sigmund Freud Candy Book

$5.99

Tell Us More About Your Mother's CandySo... do you think your mom would like this candy?  Instead of containing the world-changing insights and observations of Sigmund Freud, our tiny Sigmund Freud Candy Book is full of banana-flavored candy...

Go Away I'm Introverting Gum

$1.99

Make that a nope for me. Our straight-to-the-point Go Away I'm Introverting Gum is just what you need on you in case of a social annoyance crisis. Don't even bother making eye contact or parting your lips. Just be friendly by offering them a piece of...

The Difference Between Pizza And Your Opinion Gum

$1.99

We imagine that this is what the Lady said to the Tramp, right before she walked out of the Red Sauce Joint they once called "our place."  It's a sad story, but it's a pretty funny gum. Our extra saucy The Difference Between Pizza and Your...