Skip to content
Take $10 OFF Your Order (shop now!)
Take $10 OFF Your Order! (see details)

Valentine's Day Gift Guide

Ugh. Not again. Do you hate Valentine's Day? Been through a recent breakup, just sick of the commercialization of love, happy just doing you? We have fun Anti-Valentine's Day gifts for yourself and all others not interested in the game.

Anti-Valentine's Day Gifts

  • Original price $21.99
    Original price $21.99 - Original price $21.99
    Original price $21.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00

    Unf*ck Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself Paint Can Candle

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Time to give it another f*cking go. Present the gift of another chance with our brazenly funny Unfuck Yourself Pain Can Candle! Whatever the occasi...

    View full details
    Original price $21.99
    Original price $21.99 - Original price $21.99
    Original price $21.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00
    Save 77% Save %
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    Step Aside Coffee Gum

    In stock

    Coffee... We love you. You're so cute sometimes! Now step aside, it's time to bring in the big guns! Our hilariously irreverent Step Aside Coffee...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    F*ck, Marry, Kill? Adult Card Game

    In stock

    No one is safe from being wed, dead, or taken to bed. Our crude, rude, and socially acceptable (in the right crowd) F*ck Marry, Kill Card Game is a...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    Eat Sh*t. Seriously, Do Not Mess With Me Today Gum

    In stock

    Rude + Crude Gum Hey, it's nothing personal but have a piece of this Eat Shit Gum. Basically what I'm trying to say is to leave me alone right now....

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $5.49 - Original price $5.49
    Original price
    $5.49
    $5.49 - $5.49
    Current price $5.49

    I Love Your Penis, It's The Best Greeting Card

    In stock

    It's an outstanding quality you possess! I know I've told you hundreds of times what I love about you, but this one may have slipped by... Made i...

    View full details
    Original price $5.49 - Original price $5.49
    Original price
    $5.49
    $5.49 - $5.49
    Current price $5.49
  • Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99

    I'm Going To Need You To Cover That In Chocolate Dish Towel

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    So yeah, if you can just go ahead and do that! I'm Going To Need You To Cover That In Chocolate Dish Towel... I understand that it's already chocol...

    View full details
    Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99
  • Original price $8.49 - Original price $8.49
    Original price
    $8.49
    $8.49 - $8.49
    Current price $8.49

    Check Out My Butthole Catnip Cat Toy

    In stock

    Knitting, Nipping🧶😺 This kitty has big plans.... to make you mittens and make you feel slightly uncomfortable! Our hilarious Check Out My Butthole ...

    View full details
    Original price $8.49 - Original price $8.49
    Original price
    $8.49
    $8.49 - $8.49
    Current price $8.49
  • Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price
    $10.99
    $10.99 - $10.99
    Current price $10.99

    Squirrel in Underpants Bobblehead Nodder

    In stock

    No naked squirrels! Makes your commute a little less nuts Tired of all those naked squirrels streaking across your yard? Think squirrels should ta...

    View full details
    Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price
    $10.99
    $10.99 - $10.99
    Current price $10.99
  • Original price $3.99 - Original price $3.99
    Original price
    $3.99
    $3.99 - $3.99
    Current price $3.99

    Maybe Today, Satan Sticker

    In stock

    Cheetos at 2am? Mmm-kay Our diabolic Maybe Today, Satan Sticker is a hilarious take on the popular phrase "Not today, Satan." But this past year an...

    View full details
    Original price $3.99 - Original price $3.99
    Original price
    $3.99
    $3.99 - $3.99
    Current price $3.99
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    Calm Your Tits! Bird Mug

    In stock

    Feeling stressed out? Need a good laugh? This mug is the tits! 🐦 Our naturally punny Calm Your Tits Bird Mug will look great perched on your desk...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    How To Swear In Sign Language

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Amazing ways to insult people without saying a word! Whether you prefer to do so to their face, behind their back, or once you get back in the car...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99

    Calm Your Tits Card Game

    In stock

    Tough tits! Our Calm Your Tits Card Game is a titillating pairs game for very silly adults is to win all the cards or be the last tit standing! Pl...

    View full details
    Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99
  • Original price $9.99 - Original price $9.99
    Original price
    $9.99
    $9.99 - $9.99
    Current price $9.99

    Desktop Boxing

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Hooked on a feeling! Stop taking your stress out on your co-workers, take it out on our Desktop Boxing. You can set up the desktop punching bag tha...

    View full details
    Original price $9.99 - Original price $9.99
    Original price
    $9.99
    $9.99 - $9.99
    Current price $9.99
  • Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99

    Cocks Dirty Pun Bird Dish Towel

    In stock

    Check out my huge cock towel! We swear that Our Cocks Dirty Pun Bird Dish Towel just sounds inappropriate at first! It is a beautifully produced co...

    View full details
    Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99
  • Original price $19.99 - Original price $19.99
    Original price
    $19.99
    $19.99 - $19.99
    Current price $19.99

    Giant Gumball Scented Giant Stress Ball

    In stock

    Bubble Gum Scented! Before you blow up over a stressful situation, or blow things out of proportion, grab a hold of our super satisfying Giant Gumb...

    View full details
    Original price $19.99 - Original price $19.99
    Original price
    $19.99
    $19.99 - $19.99
    Current price $19.99
  • Original price $4.99
    Original price $4.99 - Original price $4.99
    Original price $4.99
    Current price $4.24
    $4.24 - $4.24
    Current price $4.24

    Love Is A Battlefield Relationship Card

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Heartache to heartache we stand We are strong. No one can tell us we're wrong. Searching our hearts for so long. Both of us knowing... our Love is ...

    View full details
    Original price $4.99
    Original price $4.99 - Original price $4.99
    Original price $4.99
    Current price $4.24
    $4.24 - $4.24
    Current price $4.24
    Save 15% Save %
  • Original price $10.99
    Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price $10.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00

    Pencils For Zero F*cks

    In stock

    No fucks. Our Pencils For Zero Fucks are perfect for when you just don't have any fucks to give anymore. You're so over it... you can't even. This ...

    View full details
    Original price $10.99
    Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price $10.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00
    Save 55% Save %
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    Certified Pain In The Ass Gum

    In stock

    Let them know they're a PITA 🤗 Officially recognize that special nuisance in your life with our Certified Pain In The Ass Gum. They should be proud...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum

    In stock

    Super Cheeky Ass-piring Candy Our super cheeky At Least The Couch Thinks I've Got A Great Ass. Gum is totally relatable for those of us who are in ...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99

    Pecker Bird Fowl Language Dish Towel

    In stock

    So many peckers! We swear this is totally innocent... it just sounds totally dirty! Our Pecker Bird Fowl Language Dish Towel, is a bright and stunn...

    View full details
    Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99
  • Original price $16.99
    Original price $16.99 - Original price $16.99
    Original price $16.99
    Current price $14.44
    $14.44 - $14.44
    Current price $14.44

    Horny For Food Oven Mitt

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Look at me the way you look at that cupcake! Our saucy and swank Horny For Food Oven Mitt is a must for foodies everywhere! The tangerine and pink...

    View full details
    Original price $16.99
    Original price $16.99 - Original price $16.99
    Original price $16.99
    Current price $14.44
    $14.44 - $14.44
    Current price $14.44
    Save 15% Save %
  • Original price $13.99 - Original price $13.99
    Original price
    $13.99
    $13.99 - $13.99
    Current price $13.99

    Sh*tting Rainbows Kind Of Day Socks

    In stock

    Holy crapola! Today is THE BEST! Our Shitting Rainbows Kind of Day Socks is just the pair to pull out of your sock drawer when you're so freakin ...

    View full details
    Original price $13.99 - Original price $13.99
    Original price
    $13.99
    $13.99 - $13.99
    Current price $13.99
  • Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99

    People I Love: Cats. Dish Towel

    In stock

    Far superior to paypurrr products. Our hiss-terical People I Love: Cats. Dish Towel just barely scratches the surface of ones pre-fur-ence for cats...

    View full details
    Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    Subversive Cross-Stitch Sponge Set

    In stock

    Lather, rinse, and f*cking repeat Show them how you really feel about tedious tasks with our Subversive Cross-Stitch Sponge Set. Because as you kno...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    Some People Just Need A High Five To The Face Gum

    In stock

    Some People Just Need a High Five. In the Face. With a Chair. Our cheeky High Five BlueQ gum will help you easily relay your empathy and disdain in...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99

    Stress Pickle

    In stock

    Stay cool as a cucumber! Don't get yourself in a pickle by losing your cool at an inappropriate time! Dill with it the best you can with our hilari...

    View full details
    Original price $12.99 - Original price $12.99
    Original price
    $12.99
    $12.99 - $12.99
    Current price $12.99
  • Original price $4.99 - Original price $4.99
    Original price
    $4.99
    $4.99 - $4.99
    Current price $4.99

    Hot Salted Sriracha 55% Dark Chocolate Bar

    In stock

    Don't miss out on this spicy love affair... with chocolate! Spice up your Valentine's Day with a Hot Salted Sriracha 55% Dark Chocolate Bar! Imagin...

    View full details
    Original price $4.99 - Original price $4.99
    Original price
    $4.99
    $4.99 - $4.99
    Current price $4.99
  • Original price $11.99
    Original price $11.99 - Original price $11.99
    Original price $11.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00

    Millennial Pen Set

    In stock

    Back when I was a kid my phone was attached to a wall! Our Millennial Pen Set is the perfect set of pens for everyone that is too old and too youn...

    View full details
    Original price $11.99
    Original price $11.99 - Original price $11.99
    Original price $11.99
    Current price $5.00
    $5.00 - $5.00
    Current price $5.00
    Save 58% Save %
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    100 Ways To Eat Cock

    In stock

    cock-a-doodle-doo! Are your taste buds in a fowl mood? Maybe you've been brooding over the same old chicken dishes? Fear no more! 🐔Whether you're f...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    I Hate You Just Kidding Gum

    In stock

    Do you think I'm kidding? Yeah, yeah... wasting time hating someone is like poisoning yourself and expecting the other person to die... or somethin...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price
    $10.99
    $10.99 - $10.99
    Current price $10.99

    Pencils For First World Problems

    In stock

    Awwww.... Our hilarious Pencils for First World Problems are for all those Debbie Downers out there. Even though they are given the conveniences of...

    View full details
    Original price $10.99 - Original price $10.99
    Original price
    $10.99
    $10.99 - $10.99
    Current price $10.99
  • Original price $11.99 - Original price $11.99
    Original price
    $11.99
    $11.99 - $11.99
    Current price $11.99

    Sarcasm Pen Set

    In stock

    Sure, help yourself to some of my pens! Our Sarcasm Pen Set is the perfect set of pens for anyone who can't every be taken literally! Sarcasm is ...

    View full details
    Original price $11.99 - Original price $11.99
    Original price
    $11.99
    $11.99 - $11.99
    Current price $11.99
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    Hey Bitches Gum

    In stock

    Bitches + Kittens When you whip out your pack of Hey Bitches Gum, you'd better be ready to toss back a box of Pino Grigio! You are calling the pack...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29

    You're Kind Of A Dick Gum

    In stock

    For that Dick in your life - and we ain't talkin' about Richard Our vintage-styled You're Kind of a Dick Gum is a fun and unexpected gift you can ...

    View full details
    Original price $2.29 - Original price $2.29
    Original price
    $2.29
    $2.29 - $2.29
    Current price $2.29
  • Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99

    I Like Big Balls And I Cannot Lie Knitting Mug

    In stock

    Oh my god, Becky. Look at her yarn. It's so big. Share your love for big balls (of yarn!) and 90's rap + hip-hop, with our hilarious knitting-theme...

    View full details
    Original price $15.99 - Original price $15.99
    Original price
    $15.99
    $15.99 - $15.99
    Current price $15.99
  • Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99

    Shakespearean Profanities Cards

    In stock

    These insults are lit! Literary buffs will thoroughly enjoy the barbed tongue insults highlighted in our Shakespearean Profanities Cards! They're l...

    View full details
    Original price $14.99 - Original price $14.99
    Original price
    $14.99
    $14.99 - $14.99
    Current price $14.99
  • Original price $13.99
    Original price $13.99 - Original price $13.99
    Original price $13.99
    Current price $11.89
    $11.89 - $11.89
    Current price $11.89

    People I Want To Meet: Dogs. Socks

    Last One! In stock, ready to ship

    Doggone right! It may sound a bit ruff to some, but our People I Want To Meet: Dogs. Socks will make dog people howl with laughter! I talk to my do...

    View full details
    Original price $13.99
    Original price $13.99 - Original price $13.99
    Original price $13.99
    Current price $11.89
    $11.89 - $11.89
    Current price $11.89
    Save 15% Save %
  • Original price $24.99 - Original price $24.99
    Original price
    $24.99
    $24.99 - $24.99
    Current price $24.99

    Inflatable Hunk Pool Ring

    In stock

    Have a summer fling with this hunky blow up pool ring! Meet Chad. Our cheeky Inflatable Hunk Pool Ring! He's supportive, easy to talk to, and will ...

    View full details
    Original price $24.99 - Original price $24.99
    Original price
    $24.99
    $24.99 - $24.99
    Current price $24.99

The Best Store for Valentine's Day Gifts & Greeting Cards!

Are you ready to take your Valentine's Day shopping to the next level? Look no further than PerpetualKid.com, your one-stop-shop for the absolute best and most hilarious Valentine's Day gifts and greeting cards for 2024! We've got a delightful selection of fun and funny presents that'll make your loved one laugh out loud.

At PerpetualKid.com, we believe that Valentine's Day should be about more than just hearts and roses. That's why we offer fun and functional gifts that are sure to please. From quirky gadgets to offbeat accessories, our unique and affordable range has something for everyone.

But we're not just about traditional gifts. We've got candy that'll satisfy your sweet tooth and unusual presents that'll leave you speechless. From funny socks to wacky gadgets, we've got it all, catering to both kids and adults. And for those who aren't big fans of Valentine's Day, we've got you covered with our Anti-Valentine's Day gifts. Who needs hearts when you can have a voodoo doll instead?

And let's not forget about Galentine's Day! We have the perfect gifts to celebrate the special bond between friends. Whether it's quirky trinkets or hilarious greeting cards, PerpetualKid.com is the go-to place to show your gal pals some love.

So, don't wait! Shop now and discover the funniest, most unusual, and affordable Valentine's Day gifts and greeting cards for 2024. You won't find a better selection anywhere else. Shop with us and make this Valentine's Day a memorable one!